Hardwood Paroxysm

I'm At The Edge Of A New Frontier

2009-01-20T02:33:00.001-06:00

YOU SHOULD CLICK HERE NOW.

Goodbye, Blogspot, and thanks for all the fish.

I Am Blown Away.

2009-01-19T13:49:00.001-06:00

A big thanks to Ryne, friend of the HP family, at SLAM.

15 Footer 1.19.09

2009-01-19T13:24:00.003-06:00

This Is Going To Be Kind Of An Insane Week

2009-01-18T22:59:00.001-06:00

I'm just warning you now. Your HP world? About to be rocked. To the core.

But as a warmup, in place of the linkdumps, which are too long because there is too much NBA awesomeness on the blogosphere, I give you our link-driven Tumblr.

http://hardwoodparoxysm.tumblr.com

Donnie Nelson Turns Nothing Into Something

2009-01-16T22:26:00.005-06:00

I have some fond memories of the Mavs' 2006 run to the Finals, and there is no doubt that DeSagana Diop was an essential cog in that team. But when the two-headed center that the Mavs employed suddenly transformed into a one headed center tied to a head-shaped doorstop, things got ugly. So from Dallas' perspective, it makes perfect sense to ship Diop to Charlotte in exchange for Matt Carroll and contract filler Ryan Hollins.

Dirk and Brandon Bass both present considerable defensive problems when they're forced to defend the post. That's where Diop was supposed to add to this Mavericks team. Needless to say, that hasn't exactly been the case. Diop is one helluva soldier in regard to his unwillingness to act up or cause problems when faced with limited playing time, but unfortunately, that is where my compliments of Diop's season end. He's always been an offensive liability and it seemed like his D had finally caught up. He struggled to defend stronger foes and really has problems with the pick and roll. He doesn't have the foot speed to keep up with centers when they step out, and watching him try to guard a point guard on the switch is a bit like watching a cat chase his own tail. It's harsh, I know, but the time for niceties is long past for the Mavs. Now, it's about finding the right guys for Coach Carlisle's attack, and that directive is executed beautifully with the acquisition of Matt Carroll.

Dirk, Jason Terry, and Jason Kidd are excellent at opening up the corners for their teammates. Devean George (28.9%), James Singleton (14.3%), Gerald Green (29.4%), and Antoine Wright (25.6%)have gotten plenty of open looks from the corners. And plenty of those opportunities have ended up with a shot that makes me vomit in my mouth, ever so slightly. Green could get there, and damn do I want him to, but for the time being he's a sparkplug at best and a 'factory which has the sole purpose of manufacturing turnovers' at worst. The rest of the crew ain't bad (Well, except for Singleton. Sweet rebounder, but I wouldn't mind if I never saw him take another three.), but they're not good enough for a team that wants to shoot as often as the Mavs do. The idea is that with Carroll in the corners, the offense could really open up. He's having a down year that would make Larry Hughes blush, but he's also a career 40.3% shooter from deep -- nothing to scoff at.

The perk of this trade is that there is virtually no downside. Diop was playing marginal minutes anyway, and a combination of Bass and Singleton will likely fill in the gaps. But beyond that, I see two pretty big advantages for the Mavs:

Yes, Caroll is owed $21.5 million over the next five years. But that contract is also front-weighted, meaning that his $5 million salary for 2008-2009 is as high as it gets. In the heavily asterisked summer of 2010, Carroll will be on the books for just $4.3 mil. Not bad at all, especially when compared to Gana's $32 million deal over the same five years ($6.5 in 2010).
Suppose that Carroll throws up a brick fest during his time with the Mavs, continues his tear of 2008-2009 sucktitude, and becomes a complete waste of space. Carlisle has shown that he isn't shy about jerking around minutes, and he simply won't play Carroll if he doesn't deserve it. Be it in practice or in games, Matt Carroll is going to have to earn every minute he plays in a Maverick uniform.

Ryan Hollins is a non-factor that was likely included for salary/warm bodies that play the center position reasons.

To some extent, I do feel bad for the Bobcats. They can use the frontcourt depth, but since the summer I've felt like the trade game could turn into a hot potato game of Diop's contract, and my money says the music just cut out. Game over man, game over. Enjoy paying a back-up big enough money to cripple your free agent plans, guys.

Two-Month-Old Fetus Officially Decreed to be NCAA 'Prospect'

2009-01-16T21:49:00.003-06:00

WASHINGTON, D.C. (HP) -- After Thursday's controversial decision to extend 'prospect' status to seventh graders passed by virtue of an NCAA vote, the NCAA's follow-up vote on Friday also classified unborn fetuses with a minimum of two months of maturation as 'prospects.'

The decision was made to buck a trend in which some college coaches were intentionally spreading their seed and/or offering to foot the bill for the baby mama's expenses. "The fact that we've got to this point is really just a sign of the times." said Joe D'Antonio, chairman of the 31-member Division I Legislative Council. D'Antonio is certainly not alone in his views, but after numerous photo leaks that showed coaches holding and even kissing young infants, the council considered this a problem that needed to be nipped in the bud.

"It may seem harmless, but by speaking to the fetus through the mother's stomach or playing a school fight song while the unborn child rests, a coach can have considerable influence over an unsuspecting, captive audience," said a NCAA source that wished to remain anonymous.

Schools had also expressed concern that the elite pre-birth basketball skills camps and workshops were giving participating coaches a recruiting advantage, pressuring other coaches to conduct similar camps.

15 Footer 1.16.09

2009-01-16T15:13:00.002-06:00

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

Yeah, and If Wishes Were Horses We'd All Be Eatin' Steak (New York at Washington):

I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison could play well, together, for one fricking game. I wish Nate Robinson would be more consistent. I wish Andre Blatche would stop getting people's hopes up. I wish David Lee would make the All-Star team. I wish Gilbert would come back. I wish Jared Jeffries would move to Fiji. I wish Brendan Haywood wouldn't be so damn important to the Wiz. I wish for Wilson Chandler could amaze me every single night. Yeah.

Round 2...FIGHT! (San Antonio at Philadelphia):

The Sixers have rattled off five straight wins over some pretty solid teams (Houston, Atlanta, and Portland, especially), and are on what can only be described as a tear. Their last loss was to none other than tonight's opponent, a 2 point heartbreaker at the hand's of the world's lamest game winner...by the hands of a turnaround prayer from Tony Parker. Damn you, Spurs. Damn you. At five games older and five games wiser, Philly will do their best to pummel a SanAn team that's likely still running on the adrenaline from the thriller in L.A. We're all pulling for you in this one, Sixers. You got robbed last time and these things have a tendency to work themselves out (well, sometimes...), so I hope you feel good about your karma.

A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends (Toronto at Indiana):

Does the T.J. Ford-Jermaine O'Neal returning home subplot even count if both players are injured? T.J.'s been in and out with his recurring back soreness and O'Neal's absence has been completely eclipsed by Bargnani finding new joy in absolutely demolishing whoever is guarding him. But without the trade intrigue, this is just another game between two teams that are better than their records. Shallow as they are, the Raps should be in the playoffs. And defenseless as they are at times, the Pacers are far from incapable at that end if they just buckled down. Each disappointing in the own right, and each boasting a superhuman talent at forward. Bosh, Granger, Granger, Bosh. Let's dance.

When a Team Gets Too Good, You've Gotta Handicap 'Em (New Orleans at Cleveland):

No Delonte West, which as I explained earlier, really, really sucks for the Cavs. Tonight should be our first look at how Cleveland performs without its "catalyst," with the only mitigating factor being the fact that LeBron will be hungry for the taste of human flesh. Posey is the best shot that the Hornets have at slowing him down, but I wouldn't count on him stopping James without that fanged Celtics D helping him out from all angles. Even WITH the best defense in the league on his back LeBron was superhuman, so if he's motivated (and a loss to the Bulls should do wonders in that department), he is capable of doing more than enough to get the win. Chris Paul is too good at basketball, to the point that what I thought was a "decent" effort to contain him in-game turned out to be a triple double. Redonkulous.

Expect the Expected (Utah at Memphis):

The Thunder gave the Jazz the business, but don't go 'spectin them there Jazzers to git punked twice. Ya hear? See, I'm allowed to do that, 'cause I'm from Texas. Y'all.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that bad Grizz show up tonight, the Jazz are angry, and things get ugly early. Jerry Sloan doesn't take kindly to getting embarassed, and unfortunately the cubs will be on the receiving end of that rage.

Something Like This (Detroit at OKC):

I love the Thunder. I really do. But I've got a bad feeling about this.

I've Been Saving Myself For You (Minnesota at Phoenix):

Let me get this straight: Shaq wanted to do the three games in four nights routine, so he skipped out on the game before the routine so that he could be active against the TIMBERWOLVES? Terry Porter must think the world of McHale. Or maybe this whole team has just gone bonkers. While Kenyon Martin and Nene through down dunk after dunk last night, do you get the feeling that having the big fella around might've helped out just a teensy bit? The jury's still out, I'm sure. I'm not sure what makes this game more important than last night's overtimer with the Nuggets, but I would absolutely love to hear that explanation. By all means, Terry. The Wolves are playing their best ball of the season, and they've been surprisingly competitive since Foye's full-time move to the off-guard, but I fail to see the logic here.

Two Teams, One Goal: To Prove Me Wrong (Milwaukee at Sacramento):

While Michael Redd and Kevin Martin were sitting in bacta tanks, I may or may not have said something along the lines of these two teams being the most boring to watch in the NBA. At the very least, they put up quite a fight for the honor. But with Martin back to his usual, hyper-efficient business and Michael Redd doing some quality work off the radar, the Bucks and the Kings seem ready to spread their wings and leave the Clippers among the dredges of entertainment value in the lig. For the sake of all Bucks and Kings fans out there, here's to hoping that they prove me wrong.

More Unanswered Questions Than an Episode of Lost (Atlanta at Golden State):

One can only hope that as opposed to Lost, whatever basketball deity is residing over these two teams' fates has SOME semblance of a plan for how their narratives are going to unfold. Go die, J.J. Abrams.

Atlanta is a team that truly perplexes me. They were ridiculous for awhile, then kind of pedestrian, then pretty terrible, now pretty good...where exactly is this team going to be come April? They're certainly good enough to get into the playoffs, but is this team still a bonafide match-up nightmare for the Celtics? I know Horford's out, but is this still a team to fear on the defensive end? Are they making anybody shake in their boots when Joe Johnson isn't managing batshit insane production?

And on the other end of the spectrum: what exactly need to be done to right the ship for the Warriors? Nelson out? Maggette out? Everyone else out? I don't know of a more muddled, confusing roster with so many potential possibilities for both brilliance and utter failure. These are the Warriors as we know them.

Hey There, Mister Blue, We're So Pleased to Be With You (Orlando at LAL):

If the last Magic-Lakers game sets the precedent for this one, we should be in for one hell of a game. The name of the game for the magic is deep post presence and decisive penetration. This won't be the open shooting drill the Magic faced in Sactown, and they're going to need to get inside early and often to open up that outside game. The Lakers aren't exactly the Kings, and they won't have to immediately double Dwight inside unless he unleashes hell. Jameer Nelson will meet a worthy adversary in Fish, and Courney Lee/Bogans/Redick will have their work cut out for them with Kobe. Can't wait for this one.

Yi Jianlian and the Theater of the Absurd

2009-01-16T00:20:00.002-06:00

The "thrill of the hunt" is a pretty elemental part of human nature. We want what we can't have, and once we have it, pawing at it as it rests lifelessly in our mitts, it's just not all that interesting anymore.

It's in that vein that I'm a little confused by all of the backlash against the 'Yi for All-Star' cultural movement. Season after season we're bombarded by campaigns to get Antoine Walker, Stephon Marbury, or Eddy Curry into the game. None of those efforts came anywhere close to getting the league's laughing stocks in the front door. The point of those movements, aside from some cheap entertainment, is to prove that the system is broken. I mean, McGrady is one thing, but Starbury in Phoenix would make orphans cry and puppies die. So, I have to ask: if the point is to provide some comedy and prove the errors in the system, why aren't we all voting for Yi?

Is it because Yi isn't absurd enough to qualify for our particular brand of unintentional comedy? I mean, I doubt he would make David Stern squirm as much as Marbury would, and it wouldn't be quite as entertaining. But Yi's a pretty funny guy in his own right, though no fault of his own. He barely cracks double digit points on the season and he isn't exactly a bad player...he just happens to not be a very good one. It would still be pretty wacky to see him start over the likes of KG, Chris Bosh, and Danny Granger. And, it would probably be more than enough to at least warrant a damn good look at this fan voting thing.

Or, even more worrisome, is this an issue of who is voting our All-Stars into the game? We're all a bit taken aback by the prospect of some work-in-progress foreign forward sneaking his way into an unwarranted spot in our sacred game of stars, but there's an elephant in the room here that just can't be ignored. Asian is the new Euro, at least in terms of negative stereotypes. The domestic reaction is probably a combination of that negativity and the reluctance to yield power to the ever-influential Chinese population, which unnecessarily creates an us vs. them dynamic. We want Chris Paul. They want Tracy McGrady. We want Kevin Garnett. They want Yi Jianlian. Screw the reasons behind the vote; is casting a ballot on their terms any different (read: worse) than voting straight-ticket for your hometown team?

If we can get past our own insecurities, this could really be a good situation. Fan voting completely screws legitimate all-stars out of the blue ribbon and the camaraderie, but some kind of demonstrative action needs to put things over the top if we want an overhaul of the process. We wanted Starbury, we wanted Antoine, and we wanted Curry. So why is it that we're afraid of our wildest all-star dream gag becoming a reality?

Let's Put Some D-League In This Dunk Contest

2009-01-15T23:39:00.002-06:00

Look, it's not that I didn't think the short guy in the dunk contest wasn't cool. When they did it. And it's not that I didn't dig the awkward white dude. When they did it. And hey, I think Russell Westbrook and Rudy Fernandez could put on a show. But I've got a better idea for the fourth competitor.

I think you know where this is headed.

On the Friday before the All-Star game, the night before the Dunk Contest, the D-League will hold it's Dream Factory exhibition with a HORSE contest, a skills contest, and a dunk contest. Last year's winner, Brett Petway, narrowly edged out now-Clipper Mike Taylor. Here's one view. Here's another.

Now, I know these guys can't play defense like NBA starters can. They can't stay focused, knock down 18 footers, break the trap, or work the screen like NBA starters can. But dunking is different. It's a different animal, born from a different place than defensive rotations and curl screens. It's more emotive. And the guys in the D-League are going to have a whole different set of emotions.

Here's what you do. The D-League dunk contest winner is put into the actual dunk contest as a regular competitor. He isn't allowed to use any dunk used the night before. A league representative is there to check, and if he does, he's disqualified. This puts the advantage even more firmly in the hands of the NBA guys.

Imagine it. An undrafted rookie or a veteran journeyman who's bounced around in the dunk contest, trying to outdo Dwight Howard and Rudy Gay for the dunk title. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved. If the D-Leaguer fails, he'll probably fail miserably, cementing how superior a product the NBA is. Bloggers get to post video and mock him. And every year that the D-League guy doesn't pull it off, it starts the streak. So whenever someone gets close, they can flash that graphic.

"NO D-LEAGUE ENTRANT HAS EVER WON THE DUNK CONTEST."

And it builds suspense. So when someone actually does pull it off, it's a huge deal (if ever).

And think about that. What if he does well enough to warrant votes? America and the world will go bonkers for him! That's a fantastic story.

It hurts the league but not at all, lets them focus on the good players, and provides an instant story. There's nothing more ridiculous than the D-League, except for maybe the Dunk Contest.

Let's make this happen.

The Fracture Heard 'Round the World

2009-01-15T22:38:00.004-06:00

Delonte West fractured his right wrist, and Matt Moore hit me up on gchat: "This is really big. This changes the Cavs. A lot."

I'm willing to go a step further: this changes everything. On the surface, the Cavs lose an undersized starting two guard who would seem to be easily replaced by some combination of Sasha Pavlovic, Wally Szczerbiak, and Daniel Gibson. But he's more than that. Moore described him as a catalyst, and I think that's a fair description. When you tune in to The Muppet Show (not that you, y'know, would ever watch The Muppet Show), you expect to see Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, and Gonzo all working in harmony. Kermit is the motherf*cking star, and it's his show. But when there's no "wocka wocka wocka," everything just seems a little off. Everything that Mo Williams has done for this team on offense is magnified by West's passing and shooting abilities, and having a capable weapon that isn't a serious liability on either end. I wish I could say that the Cavs' improvement was because Wally or Sasha suddenly became more well-rounded players, but it's just not the case.

I'm going to put something out there that I've been trying to keep to myself for the last few weeks: prior to West's injury tonight, the Cavs were the best team in the NBA. I'm not exactly sure when it started, but I know for damn sure that this is where it ends. For now, at least. They showed that heads up against the Celtics, and they've been on a tear that even L.A. should be envious of. 2nd in the league in offensive efficiency. 1st in defensive efficiency. The best damn player in the league. A combination of undeniable penetration, great inside-out play, and defensive intensity. This team had something to prove going into this season, and though they still had their doubters, they've proven plenty to me.

But with Kobe v. LeBron just days away, West's injury significantly alters the league-wide landscape. Bummer. The Lakers are undeniably the team to beat with West and Big Z sidelined. So now we're looking at what I consider to be a 180 in regard to the expectations for Monday's match-up, from hotly contested slugfest to a Lakers walk-off. This team looked downright foolish against the Bulls, and were shown up on the defensive end by Rose getting deep into the lane and capitalizing on turnover after turnover. We've pretty much sent LeBron the MVP in a gift basket, filled with potpourri, summer sausage, and fresh in-season fruits, but the next few games should give us an interesting look at just how much his supporting cast does to help him out. It probably won't do anything to change my nonexistent, unimportant vote, and odds are that Delonte will only be out for a relatively short period of time. But with a loss to the Bulls already in the books, I'm eager to see what the shorthanded Cavs are capable of.

Hopefully the Beginning of Something Beautiful

2009-01-15T21:44:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, you read an interview that will rock you to the very core of everything you thought to be true. Rotoworld's interview with Stephen Malkmus is one of those. The fact that Malkmus is a fantasy basketball nut and can talk casually about Matt Barnes and Tyrus Thomas makes my year.

Take note, basketball world: these are the kinds of people that we want interviewed. Sure, Player X felt like "he was in a good rhythm tonight," and Coach Y is "really proud of his guys," but I'd much rather get some perspective from pop culture's most unexpected basketball fans.

(link via FreeDarko)

15 Footer 1.15.09

2009-01-15T10:57:00.004-06:00

Vince Carter is the New Jan Brady
Portland @ New Jersey - 7:30pm EST

Even Matt Moore has given it up to Vince-anity this year. He and Harris are, legitimately, one of the best backcourt duos in the league (well, sans Vince's lightswith defense). But he has been on a tear. The Nets are even holding on to that always valubale "sub-.500 record but we still have the 7th seed," um, 7th seed in the East. But Vince gets no love. People are more excited about Brook Lopez dropping 31 on the Thunder, Devin Harris hitting this, or sugraplum dreams about LBJ coming to town. Well, this is the one 15 Footer a year where we say "Well done, Vince." (what? I tried to leave the hate in 2008... temporarily, of course) Now watch out for Roy, Aldridge and Oden, as they want to eat you up and on their way to a winning East Coast road trip.

What's That? Oh, I'm Sorry. I Couldn't Hear You. I Was Too Busy Feating On Your Innards.
Cleveland @ Chicago - 8:00pm EST - TNT

This is the last rung in the ladder for Lebron. He has been torching competition this year. His team is, now, the odds on favorite to win the East. He has Kobe coming up this weekend. He is better than the entire Cleveland Browns. This is the last chance for him to tune his machine before the entire NBA blogosphere zeroes in their sights on what is being whispered about as "The Passing of the Torch." But the mark of true greatness is the ability to remain focused and not let your head or your heart leap ahead to the bigger game on the horizon.

In other news, Ty Thomas just found a 4 leaf clover, attached to a rabbit's foot, underneath a horseshoe. You are just the baked appetizer before the main course of Laker filet. Should be nice and painless. I also wouldn't be surprised if every single time Lebron wanted to shoot a jumper he ran right at Larry Hughes and launched them in his face. You know, just because... if Vinnie plays him.

This One's For The Purists
Phoenix @ Denver - 10:30pm EST - TNT

This is reality. Both teams will try to "out tough" one another. The Suns will dump it to Shaq and try to rack up fouls on Nene, Marting and Birdman while Amare hangs out and waits to do his damage when the foul trouble mounts.
Billups will be working on burning Nash, getting to the line and feeding J.R. Smith for 3s.

Which team can outsimplify and force their style on the other? Just because it ain't your old Suns and Nuggets doesn't mean the game will be any less entertaining. We'll still be in the 100s, with plenty of chest thumping and stomping. Melo will wear a Craig Sager reject on the sidelines. (BTW, when you google "Carmelo+Red+Jacket, this is the first hit you get. Try it.) It will all be the same when the final buzzer goes off, but you will have no idea how we got there. Basketball in the Twilight Zone? Yes, please!

Now Is the Winter Of Our Discontent

2009-01-15T03:18:00.003-06:00

Ah, January. The air is brisk, the sun is low, and I get to point and laugh while my brethren up north of the Mason-Dixon line actually have to shovel their driveways and such. Yes, I'm enjoying my 55 degree weather, thankyouverymuch.

But for the league as we know it, winter presents a trying time. The Great Coaching Purge of 2007 already took out nearly every likely coaching casualty imaginable, so we're left with players and coaches pointing fingers and no single, decisive move to send a message without a big name trade. The Lakers and the Cavs are sitting pretty, smug in their rockers next to the fire clad in Snuggies, but the rest of the teams in the association have been left punch-drunk, desperately trying to get their car started in the middle of a snow storm. They've all got their problems, and with almost half of the season behind us the true feelings and the struggling ball clubs that just reek of desperation are hustling together a laundry list of flaws and excuses. So while everyone is good and grumpy from all the red herrings, rumors become mushroom clouds and a throwaway line in a post-game interview suddently becomes a headline. Now that everyone's good and pissed, let's talk frustration.

Mark Cuban proves that even the league can get its panties in a bunch around this time of year, after his confrontation with J.R. Smith from Tuesday's Nuggets-Mavs game. An owner confronts an opposing player. On face value, that sure seems like a damn near inexcusable action. But that also assumes some sort of run-of-the-mill, standard owner. That Cuban is not. The man is more than a super fan because well, he pays for this gig. He foots the bill. That entitles him to certain privileges. Now, if you want him to self appoint himself an "assistant coach" or whatever so that he can sit on the bench, so be it. But frankly, I fail to see the alarm in Cuban talking to a player on another team. Yes, I am a Mavericks fan, and yes, I am somewhat of a fan of Cuban himself. But he didn't exactly rush J.R. ready to quarrel. Cubes is vigilant, but I'd hardly call him violent. So while the owner confronting the player on an opposing team is pretty unorthodox, I'd say that all the fuss over this is much ado about a non-incident that shouldn't even be mentioned. Cuban's mad because J.R. threw an elbow, J.R.'s probably mad because Cuban rejected his peace offering, and everybody else is mad because Cuban was being Cuban. Bah humbug.

Meanwhile, Yao might not exactly be opposed to Moore's central thesis regarding T-Mac. Trouble is certainly brewing in Houston. It's clear that something needs to be done and McGrady would be the most obvious domino to fall, but I only hope that his stands as independently as it seems. I'd hate to see that a team that "seems better" without McGrady only seems that way. Morey and Adelman are smart guys, and if a move is made I'm confident it will be a good, calculated one. Still, would it be all that surprising if the Rox stood pat with what they've got, and hoped for a better string of luck with injuries and on-court chemistry? That move (or, lack of a move, I guess) would seem pretty ridiculous to the lot of us, but as usual, we're not GMs. Yet.

I'm not sure who's more unhappy with the situation in Detroit: Rip Hamilton or me. Few things infuriate me more than the Pistons' fascination with the small ball style, especially because this move is neither born of previously determined plan of attack or desperation. They aren't the Warriors or the Knicks, teams that naturally run a bit small as part of their strategy. They're no longer overcoming a string of injuries to various rotation players. The troops are healthy and the big men are capable; it's time to get rid of this Tayshaun Prince as power forward sh*t. Although, I will gladly say that some good has come of it. Bet you didn't know Emily Dickinson was a Detroit fan, did you? (Apparently, Rip has conceded some ground and taken the "team first" approach. Now let's hope Curry actually listens. Hat tip to Watson at DBB.)

Keep your wits about you, NBA heads. The trade rumors are still a-flyin', and there's plenty of blame to go 'round, but it won't be too long until Spring will be upon us and we'll all be smitten with trade deadline acquisition puppy love. That Shawn Marion is so dreamy!

15 Footer: VOLTRON Edition

2009-01-14T14:40:00.002-06:00

The HP cast, together as one. It's a beautiful thing.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

With Or Without You (Portland at Philadelphia) (Rob):

Philly is in a pretty awkward position. They've surged with Brand out, which shouldn't indicate that Brand is a bane or a cancer or some kind of black hole, but he may still be clogging the lanes and stopping the ball. The comfort level for this team is obviously a state of playing in which they scrap, claw, and rotate ad infinitum, without any coherent, tangible plan for "go time" aside from "let's get the ball to Iggy." Or is this team just rolling right now? Their style seems different (well, duh), but their level of focus and intensity seems relatively consistent with their efforts on the season. Sometimes a guy is a bad fit. And sometimes he squashes a team's momentum and chemistry despite being an alleged nice guy and a 20-10 all-star caliber big man. The league is completely screwy in that way. But like it or not, he's still a Sixer, and he will be until the cows come home, live long, natural lives, die, and yet live onward through generation upon generation of cow offspring. I think he's a free agent in 2018. So with the team clicking and a chance to start bringing Brand in slowly off the bench rather than throwing him into the thick of things, maybe this type of situation is exactly what Philly needs. Or will need.

Oh yeah, but they'll run into a brick wall against Portland. They're streaking, but you can't streak through brick.

Welcome to the Flustercluck (Chicago at Toronto) (Rob):

Hinrich's back! Deng's back! And that means rotation hell for Coach Vinny after he's already in way over his head! This is awesome! So does this mean less Rose or less Gordon? Less Hughes or less Thabo? If you know, please, by all means, tell me. I mean, I know what I would do. And I know what Vinny should do. But what coaches should do from a pure basketball standpoint and what they actually end up doing aren't exactly similar -- there are just too many extraneous factors to muddle things up.

Who would have thought that these teams would have nearly identical records at this point? It's a crazy world out there kids, and the Raps certainly know that now. Calderon is an excellent passer. He's not all that sexy, and that's fine. But the problem with slow of foot plane Jane players like Jose is that they're not going to be able to get things done if you rely on them to be your second best player. It's still a league of athleticism, and though Calderon is a tremendous athlete in terms of precision and a honed skill, he lacks the lateral speed and explosiveness that you need for a truly dominant point guard. I don't want to say that he's been "exposed," because that's not necessarily fair or true. But the Raps had been relying on him way too much, and when that pivotal part of the Raps' "attack" was suddenly removed, his flaws as a franchise point guard become irrelevant. This team needs bodies, and they're not exactly in a position to cope with what's going down.

Maybe I've Been Here Before, I Know This Room I've Walked This Floor (Detroit at Indiana) (Rob):

Curry, look. Your "small ball" shenanigans have run their course. I'm tired of this. Trading for AI doesn't give you an excuse to nerf your team by catering to egos. You're a big boy, your players are big boys. You need to stroke and cater to those egos sometimes, but this Pistons team has a chance to be legitimately special if they just stick to a more conventional approach. Iverson's been about as efficient as your run-of-the-mill self-entitled rec league jumpshooter. Rip is still coming back from injury. For the sake of all that is good and holy in this basketball universe, START A REAL POWER FORWARD. PLAY A REAL POWER FORWARD FOR REAL POWER FORWARD MINUTES. I love Tayshaun, but he is really, really, really not the answer.

Danny Granger needs a nickname. Badly. Get on that, readers.

The Atlantic Chemistry Solvent (New Jersey at Boston) (Matt):

The Celtics figured out how to get back on track. Beat the living hell out of Atlantic teams that can't match up. Earlier this week it was Toronto. Now it's New Jersey. Though Devin Harris will remind them that no matter how good Rondo is, he's not great, the rest of this team is badly outmatched, save Carter. He should be able to get some things going, but Brook Lopez is not having another career game against Boston's interior defense. But hey, CDR might play! /crickets //crickets, crickets

I Remember The Days Of The Old SchoolYard (When We Sucked Worse Than You) (Washington at New York) (Matt):

The Knicks are respectable even though Stephon Marbury is still on the roster and the Wizards are not even with the big three still on roster. Oh, the wacky world we live in. The Wizards have been close to a win several times, but keep finding new ways to screw it up. Meanwhle the Knicks knocked off the Hornets for their bi-monthly "win they have no business getting" win. I like the Wizards tonight, because even with David Lee showing off for the trade deadline, Al Harrington's gone back to suck, and Caron Butler has to be tired of this silliness. I expect an Epic Vale beatdown this evening.

You Are Also Cold And Start With M. We Shall Destroy You As Well. (Miami at Milwaukee) (Matt):

"Erased" is my current favorite block term. And Wade has been erasing people inside the last two minutes on the weak side. Combine that with Beasley's newfound ability to stand still and hit shots Wade gives him, and Marion playing like, you know, Shawn Marion, and these guys are not to be messed with. But this is the back end of a road trip back-to-back, it was a physical game last night, and the Bucks have an actual reliable frontcourt, top to bottom. Milwaukee hangs close, pulls forward, then hitches its waggons to Redd in the last quarter, Milwaukee skates away. Miami also needs the All-Star break bad. Or a center. Either one.

You (I) Are (Am) Terrible At Defense (Utah at Oklahoma City) (Matt):

The Jazz win, because OKC is terrible. However, its on the road, where the Jazz are 7-11 (a championship contender? Are you kidding me?) Millsap may be back tonight, but Boozer is still out. Lucky for them, the Thunder have Durant, Westbrook, and a whole big pile of nothing. Jazz show why they are definitely going to the second round of the playoffs tonight.

I Seem To Remember You, Ah, Yes, You Were That Thing I Ran Over (NOLA at Dallas) (Matt):

New Orleans will be angry after a lackluster loss to the Knicks. The Mavs are reeling, bleeding from every pore. The Hornets have a better center, an equal power forward who knows how to get in Dirk's head, and a better point guard. Unless Brandon Bass has himself a 25/15 night, there's going to be a lot of panic button pressing in Dallas, unless they have another blown call to blame it on.

3 Is Better Than 2... That's Math! (Lakers at Spurs) (Corn):

If you look at the Spurs results from the past 2 months, you notice once small trend - Tim Duncan and Tony Parker are dominating. And, judging by their second place record in the West, it has worked out alright. Ginobli still isn't at 100% and the newcomers are helping out (Mason, Hill) but you still get the sense that if you cut off one of the 2 Ts, you can handle the Spurs. Coincidentally, LA has enough people to cut both of them off, plus Pop, plus the waterboy and half the cheerleading squad (Odom). The Lakers are moving the ball extremely well and have found a (relative) toughness and intensity that was noticeably lacking last year. They don't get as nasty as San Antonio, but to pull this one out in the heart of Texas tonight, they might just need Kobe to put on his sh#tkickers and, well, kick some sh*t in the face of the Spurs.

Also, Kobe will NOT be looking ahead to his matchup against Lebron in a few days. So don't hang your hats on that Spurs fans. Even though he is, in my opinion, the second best player in the league right now, Kobe will assuredly will himself to a focused performance tonight. */goes to shower because he feels like one of those Kobe lovers

My Suck Is Better Than Your Suck (Sacramento at Golden State) (Corn):

Except the Opposite

Not much to talk about here. Lots of scoring. No defense. The Oracle. K-Mart on Maggette (ewww, sounds like something Eddy Curry would like). All in all, you could most likely watch this game in highlight clips and envision the entire 48 minutes. Also, Monta rumors!

This Team With No Future Is Really Interesting To Watch Play (Atlanta at LA Clippers) (Corn):

Moore and I had a debate the other night about which team in the NBA had the dimmest future. We concluded it was the Clips. Other teams are either/and younger, with more long term cap space, better coaching or give a flying crap. The Clippers have none. Besides Thornton and Gordon (who is fulfilling my prophecy!) the rest of the Clips are burnt out and looking for ways to skip town. Although it wouldn't be surprising to see some of these elder Clip floating around in trade talks... Actually, that would be the only thing about this team that isn't surprising, well, except for the SUCK.

Back to Backs on the West Coast for the Hawks do not sit pretty, but at least they get Phoenix then LAC and not the other way around. Josh Smith is a one man basketball thriller. Expect him to shine bright in Staples tonight.

A Last Shred of Eddvidence

2009-01-14T10:32:00.001-06:00

15 Footer 1.13.09

2009-01-13T14:28:00.004-06:00

This 15 Footer comes to you courtesy of our friendly co-founder and leader extraordinare, Matt Moore.

Today I'm actually giving predictions to go along with the previews. Won't be a regular thing, but I'm feeling saucy.
(Corn Ed. Note - I do not approve of using the term "saucy." But for Moore, it's oddly appropriate. Also, I fully expect one of these predicitons to be dead on. Moore's predicitons, FTW!)...

Let's Get Violent (Detroit 96 Charlotte 90):
Close. Not close enough. This Charlotte team has fire in its veins, and Detroit's feeling a little mercurial with this whole silly "starting" business. I don't believe Iverson and Hamilton starting is a good idea, and this is going to be the game where the Pistons go "woah, didn't know Okafor could play like that." If they had Augustin and this was in Charlotte, I'd give them the W, but a few big shots and the bench differential is enough. Do enjoy Adam Morrison on the floor at the same time as Kwame Brown, though. That's fun to think about.

Crank Engines To "Nova" (Heat 105 Minnesota 103):
This five game winning streak by the Wolves is seriously messing with my ability to endlessly mock Kevin McHale. It must end. In reality, this is a lot of fun on paper. Inconsistent guards versus inconsistent guards, Jeffersno versus Haslem, and Beasley/Marion with no one that can match their range. Wade's got to be angry after the LA loss and is starting to trust Beasley. If Chalmers can get his head back together, the Heat should be in good shape. I'm betting they're not, but then in the last two minutes, what are the Wolves going to do to Wade?

Someone Alert The Governor, We May Have to Declare Emergency (Cleveland 100, Memphis 81):
You know how this pains me. The Grizzlies are playing with zero continuity, zero composure, and look worn out. Cleveland is on a mission from God to destroy everything in its path. Rudy Gay can't keep up with LeBron, Mo Williams will eat Lowry for dinner, they'll double Mayo at the perimeter, and kill them on the boards, which the Grizzlies have troubles with anyway. There's not a matchup on the floor I like, and that's just the starters. LeBron sits the fourth.

Simple. (Lakers 109 Rockets 99):
TMac and Crazy Pills aren't playing, which means that even though Farmer, Walton, and odom aren't playing, the Rockets are screwed. Too many shooters, too much speed, too much Kobe. Always, Kobe. So if you're going to check this one out, I have a suggestion. Young Mr. Bynum versus The Dynasty. Everyone likes to talk about Andrew Bynum being the next great NBA center (HOWARD SMASH!!!), yet Yao Ming still puts up numbers despite his passion for getting Dunked On. So this is a good one to watch to measure Bynum's been hot lately, playing close to his supposed potential (albeit against small teams). If he shows up big against The Dynasty tonight, this could be the start of his ascension to the Greatest (HOWARD SMASH!!!)

The Freak Show Visits The Freak Show (Dallas 102 Denver 95): Birdman and Balkman team up tonight to take on Dirkalicious and Erik Dampier fresh of getting his face rocked by Shaq and Hawes. The Mavericks are reeling, drowning, clawing for air. Luckily they get Denver without Melo, and a squad they match up well with. Billups-Kidd may not be a wash, but it's not a complete annihilation. And the Denver bigs don't have what it takes to stop Dirk, not that anyone can. Bass provides the spark off the bench, Terry hits some big shots and the Mavs stem the bleeding.

The Farce Continiues(Phoenix 115 Atlanta 103):
Shaq will continue fooling everyone into thinking he'll be able to play like this in the playoffs against a team without their best interior defender tonight. With Horford not available due to injury, and Nash feeling spritely, it should be pretty easy to put a hurting on the Hawks. Smith is overwhelmed by Amare, Nash topples Bibby, and Richardson keeps pace with Johnson. Unless Marvin Wililams decides to have a career night, on the road, when he hasn't shot the ball well, the farce in Phoenix will continue.

DWIGHT SMASH! (Orlando 107 Sacramento 89):
DWIGHT SMASH PUNY HUMANS! PUNY HUMANS TALK ABOUT ANDREW BYNUM! PUNY HUMANS TALK ABOUT GREG ODEN! HOWARD STRONGEST! TONITE HOWARD GET BRAIDY HAIR BRAD MAN. HOWARD NO LIKE BRAIDY HAIR BRAD. BRAIDY HAIR BRAD SMELL LIKE HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS! HOWARD SMASH PUNY BRAID HAIR! HOWARD ALSO FACE SHOCK AND/OR HAWES. HAWES NO MATCH FOR HOWARD, EVEN IF HOWARD NO POSSESS SHORT-RANGE, MEDIUM RANGE, OR LONG-RANGE JUMPER! IF PUNY KINGS BRING DOUBLE TEAM, HOWARD GIVE TO JAMEER! JAMEER HOWARD'S FRIEND! HE SHOOT LONG WAYS! HEDO SAYS TO TAKE REVENGE ON KINGS FOR NOT WANTING HEDO. HOWARD NO CARE ABOUT HEDO'S CONTRACT HISTORY. HOWARD SMASH! Then Howard go home read Bible. Praise be to the Lord. ... (Howard smash!)

More Eddvidence

2009-01-13T14:07:00.002-06:00

Eddvidence

2009-01-13T10:22:00.002-06:00

This Is All Your Fault, Mike D'Antoni

2009-01-13T09:01:00.003-06:00

As Rob spotlighted earlier, this Eddy Curry fiasco looks like prime time Knicks material. I mean, there aren't too many ways you can upstage the Twilight Zone-esque absurdity of the Isiah years, but Curry may have just found the way. This lawsuit appears, at least at first, to have some sort of legs that will keep it meandering in and out of the mainstream for quite some time. Because, as we all know, the New York press loves to just uncover great stories and then never do follow ups.

My initial reaction was this: it's D'Antoni's fault. Why, you might ask? Well, my mother always told me "Idle Hands are the Devil's Playground." (see above picture) Although I am quite sure she wasn't talking about hurling ethnic slurs and racists epithets at my hired help while I forced him to touch my schlong, I can assume that her sentiments tip-toed around a vaguely familiar line. If this is true (and right now, who could really say for sure - except for, as Rob noted, why in the hell would anyone not getting sexually harrassed want to make this up?) then I have to chalk it up, at least in some part, to all the idle time Eddy Curry has on his hands. He hardly practices, rarely plays and obviously has refused to pay attention while the Knicks are busting their butts on the court. So, in the meantime, Big Eddy's thoughts can drift wildly, creating ridiculous scenarios about what a man of his stature and financial well-being can do with his social life. There is no need to be disciplined or self-regulating in your behavior. You are being paid extremely well to NOT PLAY BASKETBALL. That, coupled with a sense of immortality and entitlement that often (though not always) comes from being a professional athlete can lead to some rather blurry bouts with reality.

Of course, blaming D'Antoni is just a ruse. But, I don't think it can be taken totally out of account that if Curry were out on the court burning testosterone, feeling appreciated for his skills and effort and having to live a far more focused personal life, these allegations may not have come to light. Maybe his driver really IS just making this up (New Yorkers have come up with far more outlandish stunts than this for noteriety and financial gain). And maybe Eddy, just like all of us, took his round of "The Penis Game," just a little too far. I mean, what's a little grab-sausage between friends, right?

Right?

Anybody?

Regardless of the what/when/why/where/who the situation, it will be interesting to follow. Just when we thought the NYK ship would be tight and sailing straight, along comes one of Isiah's embarrassments to try and capsize the entire crew. And really, my life will be more complete scouring the NY Post everyday for the newest facts on this kooky, and somewhat oddly appropriate, case. Use all the "white devil" and "cracker" digs you want, Mr. Curry. For your sake, I hope your personal nickname for Mr. Kuchinsky wasn't "BITCH." Isiah would not approve.

I'm Not Sure Anyone Could, Or Would, Want to Make This Up

2009-01-13T03:48:00.003-06:00

Do you ever get deja vu? You get a glimpse of maybe one specific action at a particular location, a facial expression from a familiar person during a conversation, or maybe just a series of words in a particular order? Happens to me a lot, actually. About two weeks ago I had a dream - nay, a nightmare - in which the following lines were softly spoken gently to me from across a carpet of rose petals: "Look at me, [Rob], look" and "Come and touch it, Rob." Eddy Curry smirked as he stood naked beneath an oversized bathrobe. I woke up, heart beating out of my chest and sweating like an Eddy Curry after his 2 minutes of PT against Dallas, and frantically brainstormed ideas to pick apart my hippocampus with a chopstick and forget everything that I thought I saw.

So imagine my surprise to hear that our good friend Eddy has allegedly sexually harassed his former driver -- a man, not that there's anything wrong with that -- and threw in some pretty racially insensitive comments as well. But for your sake, read the ever-dubious NY Post's take on it as well as the report from Newsday. There's (allegedly) some big money, armed weaponry, racial slurs aplenty, and denials, denials, denials. They read more like pulp fiction or the script to a Lifetime original movie than news articles. But as the title to this post suggests, I have just one question: why on earth would anyone want to make this up? Suppose for a second that Curry is completely innocent, and the entirety of the situations described were flat-out lies. If you're David Kuchinsky, Curry's driver, couldn't you come up with a scenario or a story that doesn't involve you conjuring up visages of Curry's man parts for testimony? Or why would your mind even go there in the first place? I'm not saying that Curry is innocent, or guilty, or whatever, I'm just...sayin'.

The Hardwood and the Gridiron, Never the Twain Shall Meet

2009-01-13T03:08:00.002-06:00

You wouldn't be here if you didn't like basketball. But while basketball is my muse and my first love, I entertain flings with some other sports, too. And in this country, you practically have to. Baseball is certainly the game of the past, with America's dwindling infatuation with hitting a ball with a stick suddenly befitting of just how boring the game is. Sorry to the baseball heads out there, I don't mean to invalidate your lives. I understand what the majesty of the game means to the past of sport, I still get goosebumps when I watch The Natural, and I can appreciate why some people might enjoy a "pure" team sport. That said, baseball blows.

I wish we were at the point where basketball was ready to take over that throne atop American athletics, but that's football's to lose. It exhibits the cohesion and unity of baseball with the violence and vulnerability of boxing with the finesse and precision of basketball. But while football would seem an amalgam of the greatest traits of all of the sporting world, in reality it lacks the individualism (helmets, curtailing of celebration, simply too many players) that elevate basketball fandom from sport to lifestyle. You probably knew all that, and you probably knew that we knew all that, seeing as we're all basketball folks 'round these here parts. As long as football continues to tickle our country's fancy, it will forever remain the proverbial measuring stick to which basketball is evaluated. That's fine. I'm cool with that. But seriously, these cross-sport analogies need to end.

The most consistent and supposedly superlative of all basketball-football metaphors is point guard as quarterback. And let me tell you, it really bothers me. In some sense, I understand how the comparisons came into being; both have the ball in their hands, varying levels range from pure playmakers to "game managers,' both can facilitate or impede offensive progress, and the sacred act of the pass. What's lost in translation, though, is what exactly the meaning of the pass is. On one hand, you have the point guard. In basketball, the pass is typically viewed as a symbol of unselfishness. It is the supposedly all-encompassing stat by which the point guard is evaluated, because it indicates the point guard's ability to "run the offense." But unlike in football, in basketball every player is empowered with the ability to pass. Every player on the court is entrusted with this skill, and each is able to display their playmaking ability/deference/basketball IQ. That significantly alters the meaning of what it is to pass. Beyond that, the point guard is called upon to do other things that quarterbacks aren't necessarily depended on to do. There is no real equivalent to rebounding, or really, scoring. There is absolutely no comparison to the two-way nature of basketball, a point of contention that should rule the comparisons moot by itself. Pro quarterbacks don't have to cover someone. They don't duel with opposing players, no matter what media outlets might lead you to believe with their rhetoric. On that note, passing means something entirely different to a quarterback. To an extent it presents a similar barometer of competence, but it also represents an individual accomplishment. Leading the league in passing yardarge might be more akin to leading the league in scoring than it is to leading it in assists. It's not entirely a selfish act; the receiver gets their yards, too, but because the fundamental act of distributing the ball is so different in the two sports, the comparison just seems silly.

Furthermore, the quarterback position by definition requires some measure of leadership. This is probably because, when it matters, your quarterback will probably have the ball in their hands. If you look at the NFL champions of the last say, 20 years, consider how many were either considered the on-field or locker room leaders of their teams. Then compare that number to the point guards of the last 20 NBA champions. Chauncey and Isiah would seem to be exceptions, and Magic if you go back even further. But by no stretch of the imagination would you select Rajon Rondo, Tony Parker, or Derek Fisher if you were told to identify a team's leader. Part of that is because certain leadership responsibilities are implied with "best player" status. Other leaders might be more of an emotional lightning rod, while the point guard is typically praised for being level-headed and composed. There's a level of leadership that goes with handling the ball, but the difference lies in the ability to get the ball to your best players. In football, if your quarterback is not your best player, the entire team has to work to get them the ball. If it's the running back, the hand-off needs to be precise and the line needs to block well. If it's the receiver, the pass needs to be on-point and the line needs to block well. Plus, when those players actually get the ball, they aren't given freedom of movement. They have specific paths on which to travel, and more limitations of movement than basketball players do. Coverages can shift to compensate, and denial can be a simple game. But in basketball, you can try really, really hard to deny Kobe the ball, but he's probably going to get it anyway. Be it bounce pass, dribble hand-off, or lob. You give them the ball, and you say "Do whatever you can." Sometimes they shoot and sometimes they pass. Whatever. The important thing is that they have that freedom to choose, and they have the freedom of movement with which to achieve their goal.

I'm guilty of these comparisons myself, and this wasn't meant to be a giant finger point in somebody's face. Don't worry, I'm not calling you out. It's probably me venting a bit about a pet peeve of mine, and hopefully a starting point for some discussions about cross-sport comparisons. I'm all for analogies, metaphors, and the like, and if you refer to things in broad, simplified terms or boil them down to incredibly limited, specific circumstances, they can work. But in a sport that is great because of unique styles, unlimited potential, and a very different perception of movement within a space, it seems to deny basketball its justice to boil it down to pig skins and shoulderpads.

15 Footer 1.12.08: I'm Late, But At Least I'm Not Vince Carter

2009-01-12T16:40:00.004-06:00

Living in the Land of the Lost (Milwaukee at Washington):

With the Thunder and the Wolves suddenly finding ways to scrap wins together, are the Wizards the sole outpost of hopelessness in the league these days? With Gil rumors flying, the team still losing, and one coach's head already rolling, it's hard to keep your head up in D.C. these days. Place the blame where you will, but this team should be playing better. Depressing. Milwaukee still manages to amaze me with all that they're able to do. I'm amazed by Skiles ability to let go of his Malik Allen mancrush. I'm amazed by this team not just getting by, but doing pretty damn well after replacing Mo Williams with Luke Ridnour. I'm amazed by their progress despite a significantly different cast of characters, and without relying on the emergence of Ramon Sessions. Who knows what will come of the Conley-Sessions-Alexander trade rumors, but this team is better than I ever and will ever give them credit for. Oh, and if the trend continues, they're due for a win tonight, as part of their every- other-game-is-a-win streak.

You're Awful, I Love You (OKC at New Jersey):

Oh, Thunder. I know now that you are more than a passing fancy. You're more than just Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant. Well, I mean, not really, but kind of. I think they spark a minor celebration in all of us when they scrape out of win, and they get a smile at the very least when I see that they're nursing a ten point lead. But I've learned to temper my expectations and to hedge my hopes for this team. All I wanted for them was to not be the worst ever, and they seem to be living up to that dream. Nets, whatever. Without Devin Harris it's just Vince Carter and company, and I don't know that that's good enough to pique my interest. He's doing a bang up job this year and I'll give him his credit for that, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still slightly irritated by the fact that he isn't the Vince of old and obviously he's still Vince fricking Carter. Some scars never fade, Mr. Carter, and if mine's still stinging I can't imagine how people that REALLY hate you must feel (read: the city of Toronto). Old news, but it's something that Devin Harris' brilliance helps me overcome, and without him providing that welcome distraction I'm left with you being you. Deal.

More of a Legless Antelope Than a Wounded Tiger (Toronto at Boston):

The Raptors are the Raptors. And the Raptors with Jose Calderon still injured are terrible. Draw your own conclusions. The best way for the Celtics to get their sh*t together is to rock and sock a few teams into submission. Sorry, Rap fans, but this season isn't about to get any better any time soon until your squad can get a point guard that can create without a damn pick or a bench that can provide some backup vocals for Bosh. It's the same ol', same ol', but this is one team that's not going to change dramatically without some significant aesthetic alterations.

MORTAL KOMBAT! Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun-Dun, Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun-Dun (New York at New Orleans):

Cut me some slack, I've never been good at typing out sounds. But I imagine that if you played video of a SSOL team in fast motion and put the technoey part of the MK theme on top of it, it would make for a psychadelic projection piece at a rave. Test your might, Chris Paul.

But what kind of night is it if this is probably the best game on the slate? Pacers-Jazz might intrigue me slightly more, but only because I love them like I would a pet goldfish. Meanwhile the Hornets are still a pretty entertaining bunch, and the Knicks show a little fight in them when you least expect it. Still...it's Knicks-Hornets. Couldn't you throw us one more quality contest, NBA?

They're Worth a Thousand Words, You Know (Portland at Chicago):

There Ain't No Party Like Danny Granger's Tea Party! Hey, Ho! (Indiana at Utah):

You should know my bias in favor of Indy by now. And you should know HP's "bias" against fans of the Jazz. I wouldn't say it's about stirring up controversy as much as it is a combination of differences in opinion and just seeing what makes people tick. So here we go: Granger scores 50, because the Jazz aren't that good at defense. I don't care if Deron Williams is sick, because I'm a jerk. The Jazz are dirty. Jerry Sloan is old. Carlos Boozer is all injuredy. And Chris Paul is probably better than Deron Williams. Not sure how that's related, but just roll with it. Should be a good game, supposing Indiana doesn't pull out one it's classic suck efforts or run out of gas from last night's thriller.

On The Verge Of Something Great, The Miami Heat Need To Decide

2009-01-11T23:39:00.005-06:00

image via

I'm a Shawn Marion addict.

No lie.

The affinity I have for oversized-3/undersized-4 forwards ties directly back to Marion. Quick on the touch pass, funky release, tremendous man-defender, great in transition, not an awesome handle, can't create his own shot, can nail open looks from anywhere on the floor. That's my type of guy. I think Marion was scapegoated in Phoenix to a certain degree, but also tends to bite off more than he can chew. He wants to be a number one guy, but you can't be a number one guy if you can't take your guy off the dribble or dominate in the paint. That's just not the way the world works. You can be really awesome at thinking up ways to make food, have an eye for ingredients and temperature and taste, but if you can't slice a tomato, you're out of luck as a chef, you know? But Marion still possesses an incredible array of skills, is a multi-faceted weapon at both ends of the floor, and can still put together a stat line to make you dizzy.

So when I say this, understand it's not born out of a disrespect for Marion's game. But I want what's best for both sides in this.

The Miami Heat desperately need to trade Shawn Marion.

Now, I have been here before, which I should probably factor into Marion's value. But there are entirely different reasons for Miami needing to switch him out. And oddly enough, a lot of it goes back to the player the Suns traded Marion for, and Miami's acquisition of him.

In 2003-2004, the Heat figured out that this Dwyane Wade kid might have a future someday. They had a scrappy, young club with a lot of promise. They had a trifecta of Dwyane Wade, Caron Butler, and Lamar Odom. They sacrificed all of that for the big prize, a championship ring with Shaquille O'Neal. Now, we know they won a championship with Shaq, and we have no idea if they would have won one with Tuff Juice and Lamar the Head Case. But you have to believe that with young players, cap management, a superstar in Dwyane Wade, and the kind of potential they had, they may have been able to develop a lasting establishment. We'll go ahead and throw that idea out for now as nothing more than whimsy. But when you look at the devastation in the wake of Shaq's decline (and believe me, it's coming Phoenix!), you have to at least think about what they had to go with. Now the Heat in that situation ditched the uncertain future for a certain path to the Finals. Great, right? But there's a reason Joe Dumars doesn't sacrifice multiple young players for superstars. He only took on Iverson when it was clear a change was necessary and he knew he could get him as an expiring. Dumars thinks about five years, not one.

Again, this is not to say the Heat did the wrong thing. They have a ring they may not have had otherwise. But perhaps not being bold was the move then, but it is now. Because they are faced with a dual-headed scenario of equal complications now.

On the one hand, they have Marion, who simply does not fit here. It's not a conceptual issue, but he just sticks out. It's as if there are two entities on the floor simultaneously. The Miami Heat, and Shawn Marion. And to be sure, there are times when Wade is able to bridge that gap, and when he does, it's music. But Marion looks awkward, restrained, out of place. He's the bicycle for the Heat's goldfish. Many are going to suggest this is a problem with Marion and not the relationship. That's fine, for the discussion. Because once we admit that something's got to give, we see the opportunity in the problem.

And there is opportunity to be had. There's a foundation in place. The Lakers found it staring them in the face tonight in the fourth. Udonis Haslem picking his spots, breaking for dunks when the defense floats up. Wade 2.0 absolutely unleashed. He's pressuring more and more in the halfcourt trap, tonight forcing a late crucial turnover on none other than Kobe Bryant to create the tying dunk by Haslem. They have shooters in Dequan Cook. A serviceable backup point guard in Chris Quinn who needs to know when to not try to be a hero, but can still hit some big shots. They have a talented athletic young point in Mario Chalmers, who can attack the basket. And the biggest complication to Marion. Beasley.

Time and time again tonight, the Lakers assumed that if they sent two guys to the top of the key to double Wade, the offense would flutter and die. Only, for some reason, they decided to double either with Beasley's man or force the rotation to him. And Wade, who's taken the kid more and more under his wing, fed him. And he knocked down shot after shot. To be sure, Beasley can't create assists right now. He's the quintessential black hole. But his handle's not terrible, and his vision is something he can work on to improve. The fact is he's a natural shooter, and tonight for the first time I've seen, there was chemistry between him and Wade. I followed Beasley for Under the Microscope over at FanHouse, and you can see that Wade wants him to succeed. When Beasley stuck to the perimeter on a half-court break opportunity on a busted play and Wade's pass sailed out of bounds where Beasley should have been, Wade yelled, but he also rubbed the kid's head. He's seeing what Beasley can be, and he's investing in him. Kid's a natural scorer of the best degree and is starting to put in his time on the boards.

There is plenty to be excited about for this team in the next few years. However, they have a legitimate shot of making noise this year. But that's not going to happen unless they add a legitimate center. Haslem is a workman's workman. But physically he's over matched just in terms of height. The only reason the Lakers sneaked out that one tonight in Staples was because there was no one tall enough to block out Bynum. Bynum had an explosive night, and I was noticing that on the box score. Until I realized that he was up against Joel Anthony and Haslem, who just gives up too much vertical size. The Heat have to have a guy to put a body on people. They're not a pure running team. They can really put something together, with some more size. It's possible the thought preseason was to overwhelm teams with talent instead of size, with both Marion and Beasley on the floor, stretching defenses and picking up boards.

But Marion and Beasley can't coexist. If you watch possessions with them both on the floor, it's like two bassists for a band on stage at the same time. They're both taking up the same space on stage, they're playing over one another, and every time they go for backup vocals, they're staring at the other one wondering what they're doing. It's just awkward.

Marion's numbers are mute compared to his usual flourishes. Age probably has some to do with it, but a lot of is just a lack of fluency within the Heat. But that's what makes this situation such an amazing scenario for the Heat. The big problem with Marion in Phoenix was that there was no way to get equal value for him considering his stats, productivity, talents, and the fact that he had the extension option for this season. But now? His numbers are down. His contract is expiring. He's both more attractive and more tradeable. He no longer demands so much you have to try and swindle teams. He's an expendable 30 year old former All-Star that can rebound, score, block shots, run in transition, hit threes, defend power forwards, small forwards, and small guards, and who even if you don't get equal value back on, you're still coming out ahead because you set yourself up for the playoffs and beyond. But they have to pull the trigger.

The Heat have been silent about Marion the whole season, supposedly waiting to see if this combination could work. It doesn't. They now have a chance to lock up the long term success they sacrificed, rightly, in pursuit of their ring. They can acquire a set of assets to fill in, while not sacrificing their 2010 spending money. And they might just have enough to make some noise come April, put the fear of God in the Eastern Conference, and establish themselves as the rising challenge to the Kingdom of James.

But they have to pull the trigger.

The Memphis Grizzlies Have A Modest Request: "Go F*ck Yourself, Portland, Oregon."

2009-01-09T23:41:00.007-06:00

You'll have to forgive that many Anchorman references inside of a week, cats and kittens, but sometimes, they're just called for. And when a team signs a player the same day a letter is distributed threatening any team that signs him, well, that's pretty much the professional basketball equivalent of "Yeah, why don't you trade this for a solid array of picks and role players?"

Now, Memphis did this because Darko's still on the shelf and they're getting murdered on the boards. They did this because they need cheap players to fill the roster and provide some perspective for the kiddos. And they did this because they felt they could help their team.

But the fact that this puts a big Grizzlie foot right in the Wonder Team's crotch?

That ain't bad, either.

Pritch, you've done so well, man.

Pride goeth before the fall, Manager Man. And if this wasn't your doing, you need to get that owner and the staff back in the stable. Now.

Hat Tip: 3Shades, of course.

Kevin Pritchard Sent Another Email

2009-01-09T14:09:00.002-06:00

And you thought the first one was bad.

(click for full-size version)

Epic Enough For You?

2009-01-09T02:20:00.001-06:00

LeBron, on tonight's rematch with the Celtics: "I can't say [Friday] is a just another game; I'd be lying."
J.R.R. Tolkien continues: "The veiling shadow that glowers in the East takes shape. Sauron will suffer no rival.

From the summit of Barad-dur his eye watches ceaselessly. But he is not so mighty yet that he is above fear. Doubt ever gnaws at him. The rumor has reached him. The heir of Numenor still lives. Sauron fears you, Aragorn.

He fears what you may become. And so he will strike hard and fast at the world of Men. War is coming."

Guess What, LeBron is Good

2009-01-08T13:27:00.001-06:00

Matt told me to say this:

"Matt wanted me to show you this. It's from Jason Gurney. It is incredible. Happy trails."

I'd like to add that cherry Fun Dip is the best kind of Fun Dip.

And, oh yeah, about LeBron? Wowsers.

Am I The Only One Who Sees This? (Well, Besides Skeets Who Apparently Made Note of It in His Fancy Podcast That I Can't Watch at Work!)

2009-01-08T10:48:00.006-06:00

(But this time, with no reference to Artest)

Moore and I were talking this morning about players who continue to plague current and former teams, just by their own existence. Darius Miles and the Portland fiasco comes to mind. The fact that the preseason games he participated in are allowed to count toward the 10 game threshold he must break in order to wreak havoc on the Trailblazer's finances is abominable. (FTR, if Miles plays more than 10 NBA games this year, Portland is on the books for $18mil in currently insured salary over this year and next). So, instead of this washed-up, cancerous dud only having participated in 2 meaningful games this year, he is now ticketed for 8. If some big-hearted, reform minded coach wants to take a late season chance on him and let him hawk some Tyron Lue-ish minutes, it will cost the Blazers dearly. For his sake, I hope Kevin Pritchard doesn't have many mortal enemies, cause this will undoubtedly happen. That's not say that Miles isn't trying to be a better teammate and regain his skills (ok, PSYCHE, that's exactly what this is saying), but truly, you've got to cut your losses at some point. Some guys are better off in Europe... or Haiti. Portland has tried to do everything possible to rid their team of combustible, selfish miscreants and they still may get screwed for it because of some loophole in player participation regulations. Life's a bitch sometimes, ain't it.

But, that is not the real crux of this post. Has ABSOLUTELY NO ONE IN THE NBA BLOGOSPHERE noticed that the mere prospect and speculation of Stephon Marbury going to Boston has resulted in a crushing cycle of night in/ night out EPIC FAIL, KG being pilloried by his peers and Celtics fans acting more like Bernie Madoff's clients than World Champs? Really? KD says not to worry, but I say you have nothing to fear but... Marbury himself. He may destroy us all!

Yes, that is right, Stephon Marbury is so toxic that even if he hints at the possibility of joining your team, you should consider it lucky if no players end up with Hepatitis, unintentional blindness or if they didn't get their credit cards compromised. If Stephon Marbury wants to join your organization, please get rid of every gun you own, because they will most likely shoot you themselves. Not even the kid from the upcoming movie "THE UNBORN" could render so many people mutilated and maimed. So many dreams dashed. So many championships unattainable. So many dozens of lottery picks in your team's immediate future.

We have truly reach critical mass in this Marbury situation. At this point, I am surprised all of D'Antoni's facial hair hasn't fallen out. Yes, it's that horrible. The quicker Danny Ainge can come to the public and openly refute any dealing with or desires for Marbury, the better off his team will be. It not, they could end up looking the wall of Persians from 300 (sorry, saw it last night, again.)

I urge you, dear readers and bloggers, unite against this common enemy. Resist the temptation to fulminate about the possibilities of Marbury being a reformed, team-focused veteran for a contender. Do not allow his machinations and tirades about his being "disrespected" cause you to consider his "value" as a back up point guard. This man is out to eat your soul (not to mention, the tendons and ankles of your favorite team's players). Resist, I tell you, resist. Or else your computer might explode... and you might have to wear pants and appear in public... and you might have to move out from your parent's basement!!

RESIST!

If It Don't Make Dollars, Then It Don't Make Sense

2009-01-07T23:12:00.001-06:00

Paying the luxury tax sucks. I get that. Especially when you're any team not named the Celtics or the Lakers. But while one team (Denver) made a move today to maneuver under luxury tax territory, two others made a series of bizarre moves that don't seem to make much sense to me.

Let's start with what we do know: according to Larry Coon and his incredibly thorough salary cap FAQ, the luxury tax threshold is $71,150,000 in total team salary. Coon doesn't indicate that this number is approximated, although it's fair to give a little wiggle room on both sides of that value. I'm not calling Coon's facts into question, but often these values are based on approximations. So keep that in mind.

The total team salary of the Nuggets is $70,994,118. Marc Stein reports that both Kenyon Martin and J.R. Smith have contract bonuses that could total $800k, providing more than enough of a bump to put Denver over the edge. Thus, it makes sense to dump Chucky Atkins and their 2009 first rounder to OKC for Johan Petro and a 2009 second rounder, saving Denver around $1.46 million in pure salary. This trade makes perfect sense to me, and it's exactly the kind of activity you expect to see around this time every year.

Good job, Nuggets and Thunder; a neat little salary-clearing operation that appears to be a success. But prepare yourself, dear reader, because the following sequence just might make your head explode. Despite the fact that the rest of the world (myself included) assumed that Shaun Livingston would clear waivers without a hitch, he apparently did not. Instead of entering free agency, Livingston and cash money were sent to Memphis in exchange for a conditional 2012 second rounder. Just another move by a team trying to dodge the luxury tax, right? Well, apparently not. A quick look at the Heat's books shows that their total team salary is equal to $69, 174,791. I've never been accused of being a math wizard, but I can tell you with zero doubt that 69 million is less than 71 million. College education for the win. Supposing that this information is correct and that the Heat are in fact unaffected by the luxury tax, why would they give up Livingston and cash for a conditional 2012 second round pick (that likely will never even come to fruition)? But, let's pretend for a second that Miami has motivation to send Livingston to Memphis. My initial worries about Shaun's place in a backcourt already crowded with young talent were soon quashed by a turn of the tide: the Grizz had traded for Livingston, only to waive him. ...What?! (Apparently, there are other numbers out there that suggest the Heat are over the tax.)

In order to make room for Livingston, the Grizzlies waived Darius Miles, whose presence with the team would have helped to stick a thorn into the side of Portland GM Kevin Pritchard through a bizarre series of events that may or may not include some shady dealings from the Blazers' medical staff. Memphis waived him to make room for Livingston, but then curiously waived Livingston once his rights made their way to the Grizz. Memphis is under the cap, much less in danger of paying the luxury tax...so what do the Grizz have to gain from waiving Livingston? That's a completely serious, non-rhetorical question, to which I do not know the answer. Unless the money is reason enough, which it possibly could be.

While the short-term gains for Miami appear to be ambiguous at best, the view through the haze gets a bit clearer when you see them through the eyes of Ira Winderman:

The way the Livingston move was done, and with the amount of tax space cleared, the move seems to have Alonzo Mourning's name written all over it.

Reliable as always. Youdaman, Ira. But all this seems to be much ado about nothing, if you ask me. Then again, I'd probably feel differently with millions of dollars on the line.

Footnote: Slightly related -- the Clippers acquired and then waived Hassan Adams from the Raptors. The Raps are in luxury tax territory, but Adams' salary alone is not enough for Toronto to clear themselves under the threshold.

15 Footer 1.8.09

2009-01-07T23:11:00.005-06:00

Getting an early start on the 15 today... cause I gave up slacking for New Year's. If you aren't watching the BCS National Championship game like every other sports fan in America (including Moore and myself - since we have money on it. psst... don't tell Paroxi-wife), then enjoy these two games - sacrificed by David Stern & Co.

There's a First Time for Everything
NYK @ Dallas, 8:30est

Yeah, you just got Foreigner! Live! Don't say HP doesn't love you, baby!

D'Antoni's back in Dallas and I expect ultimate calamity. Chris Duhon running circle around J-Kidd. A 45 point game from Dirk. A trade at halftime that sends David Lee, Nate Robinson and an au paire to Dallas for JubJub, Brandon Bass, a new lawnmower and a premiere Netflix subscription. Josh Howard's head exploding in a fit of sudden vertigo at finding himself incapable of scoring on Wilson freakin' Chandler! In truth, this game should be a force of deterrence. The Mavs will use their small roster, efficient ball movement and toughness against, well, SSOLNY (it's like the bastard cousin of CSINY... on meth).

On a side note, good thing UT sux and didn't make it to the NCAA Championship Game -- more butts in seats at the American Airlines Arena. Cuban FTW. Cuban, always, FTW!

BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!
LAC @ San Antonio, 8:30est

This just in. Everyone on the Clippers team has accepted the Spurs offer of declaring the game a tie. What's that you say? A Tie? Yes. In a gesture of good faith, the international leadership of the Spurs (Duncan, Parker, Ginobli) negotiated in good faith so that uber-Americans like Boom Dizzle, Camby and Ricky Davis could all kick back and watch OU/UF tonight, at home, in their giant personal movie theaters (ZOMG - Fat Free Popcorn and Diet Soda at Dizzle's!). Who says international affairs are on rocky terms. Heck, an act like this even gives me faith that, perhaps, the Spurs are not soul sucking, fun hating, puppy killing basketball fascists.

Oh wait, that last paragraph didn't actually happen. But, in reality, the Clippers will be taking this one off and the Spurs will roll slowly over their limp, lifeless bodies. AKA - just like every other Clippers/Spurs game. Or, surprise Clippers upset! Just go watch the BCS and wait til tomorrow, weirdos!

The Cream Jams The Cookie

2009-01-07T22:19:00.003-06:00

I've made a lot of fun of Joe Alexander in my life. A LOT OF FUN. But Joe?

You just got my vote.

(Hat Tip: The Awesome Mouthpiece Sports)

15 Footer 1.7.09: Full Serving of NBA Goodness

2009-01-07T16:21:00.005-06:00

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

I'm No Superman (Orlando at Atlanta):

Dwight Howard is Dwight Howard. He's a phenomenally talented guy, his dunks make grown men shed a tear, and his looming potential for real post development is like watching the beginning of the Reign of Terror in slow motion. But his game is only the tip of the iceberg, with his unparalleled charisma often taking center stage. It's that facet of his being that has transformed him from "up and comer"/"talented big fella" to superduperstar/leading ASG vote getter. He's developing his name, developing his brand, and hopefully developing his game. But probably positioned exactly opposite of him, sitting on the opposite side of the opposite locker room, is a proven commodity whose star doesn't shine as brightly because he doesn't make an effort to point all eyes on him. I know the whole "woe is Joe Johnson" thing is as overplayed as it is melodramatic, but I still feel obligated to show the guy some love for he is and who he's been since his Phoenix days. There's no doubt he's become more comfortable in his own skin over the last few seasons; one can only hope that the casual viewers become more comfortable with him from the outside.

...We've Gone Too Far (Toronto at Washington):

I totally forgot to write this preview. Oh well.

I Believe in a Thing Called Augustin (Charlotte at Cleveland):

D.J. Augustin. Around mid-season last year, I was sold on the fact that he would not be able to overcome the bigger, stronger, faster, cooler competition of the NBA. Good against college players is one thing, but good against NBAers? That's something else. But just prior to draft time, I had an epiphany. D.J. appeared to me in a dream, draped in white robes, bearing a basket of fresh fruit and Ring Pops. He smiled at me, and reached out his hand as to say, "Dude, come on." So I listened. He's a legit NBA point guard, and though defense may never be his specialty, he's a natural leader, hits big shots, and puts his teammates in positions to do amazing things. Who knows how Felton/Augustin will function for the long haul, but if they can play just a shade under the level they played against the Celtics last night on a semi-consistent basis, that's good enough for me. Well, it's good enough to make me not want to tear my hair out. I don't mean to leave the Cavs out here, but I'm still riding the high from last night's overtimer. And, funny as it is, I've lost a little bit of respect for LeBron for his crab dribble shenanigans. It's a travel. Seriously. I gave him the benefit of the doubt the night of, because anyone can get worked up after a tough loss like that. Even after the game, your judgment may be clouded. Two days later, that excuse doesn't quite work. We've heard your argument, we heard you say it's your "signature move." My advice is to find a new one, because where I come from (America), that's a M.F. travel.

Why Do Work That's Already Done? (Houston at Boston):

No matter what I write here about the Celtics and the Rockets, it would likely pale in comparison to Shoals' piece this morning. The Rockets foster a bastardized version of Ubuntu; I dig, I dig.

OJ is Coheed and Rudy is Cambria (Memphis at New Jersey):

This is What Happens When There Are Lots of Games On (Philadelphia at Milwaukee):

Inevitably, one game kinda sucks. The Sixers are playing better of late. The Bucks are still better than I ever thought they would be. And yet, be it the fact that I'm feeling slightly ill or maybe slightly sane, I don't know that I could make myself watch this game. The others have some measure of intrigue, some draw that would be able to keep my attention for 48 gametime minutes. But the Sixers...against the Bucks? I like Charlie V, I guess, and Redd's alright. Thad the Impaler is a household favorite. But there is just too much going on elsewhere to really give a flying expletive about this one, so move along, sir, move along.

We're Going Streaking! (OKC at Minnesota):

If there was ever a chance for the Thunder to put together that ever-elusive two wins in a row, it would be consecutive games against the Knicks and Wolves. Yes offense. The Thunder have a chance to pull a reverse Bobcats, in a way. Rather than taking on the mighty, mighty Cavs after Daviding the Celtics, the Thunder have the distinct privilege of playing against a Kevin McHale coached team. Midseason schedulers were kind, indeed. But oddly enough, Minny has been on their own tear of late, winning three in a row and four of their last five. Is it actually possible that moving Foye off the ball more and more has become the start of something beautiful? Don't hold your breath, but at the very least it should bump his FG% and put the ball in the hands of a more natural passer. Then again, that "natural passer" is Sebastian Telfair, so be optimistic as your own risk.

It's Gonna Be Awesome, Baby! (Miami at Denver):

And that's all I have to say about that.

Oh Dunleavy, Where Art Thou? (Indiana at Phoenix):

Phoenix will win this one easily regardless, but it's always fun to watch the longing in Nash's eyes when a team without a true back-to-the-basket post presence just tries to run the Suns out of the gym. Still, I have to wonder: is this the game where we finally see MDJr back in action? Have we all forgotten just how great he was in Indy last season?

Heartbeat City, Here We Come (New Orleans at Utah):

NOLA's game against the Lakers was no doubt draining. It took everything the Hornets had, and it took superhuman efforts from their biggest stars. Plus, the fact that Deron Williams has a proven track record against Paul surely complicates things. Even after typing all that, I have no problem saying that the Hornets take this one in SLC. It might just be a hunch, but I vote that NOLA rides the wave of euphoria from last night's contest to really stick it to a decidedly Boozerless Jazz squad. I don't care that Deron traditionally has fared well against CP3, and perhaps matches up better than any point guard in the league. This game is going to come down to peripherals, and I'm counting on the Hornets at the spotlight's edge to step up big in this one. No heartbreak for Orleans, only the steady heartbeat keeping pace.

Kenny Loggins Gives Killer NBA Analysis (Detroit at Portland):

I mean, that makes sense...right?

This Match-up Needs More Phil Collins (LAL at Golden State):

Okay, that one didn't make sense.

Robert Horry Proves a Point

2009-01-07T10:34:00.003-06:00

Remember when Robert Horry said he was smarter than 98% of the NBA?

Given the propensity of basketball players to get arrested lately, joining up with a website that provides legal services seems pretty prudent. Robert Horry wins again. He always does.

Of Former Champs and Starburys

2009-01-07T01:31:00.003-06:00

If there was ever a time to discuss Marbury to Boston, it would be now. Or maybe that's just what they want you to think. Who are they? Hell if I know. But I'm sure it's what they want. Either way, the rumors just won't die, and it seems as though the Celtics might actually consider such a move. Poppycock, I know. But really, it falls in line with everything we know about the Celtics. Not Ubuntu or Thib's defensive wizardry or any of that necessarily, but some greater truth about this mythical franchise that happens to rest its head in Boston.

Every team has a tragic flaw. The flaw might be exposed season after season, it might be catastrophic enough to destroy a franchise in one blow, or maybe it will simply lay dormant until the perfect storm. If you've watched the Celtics, particularly this season, it should be easy to identify their tragic flaw: ~~a weak ass bench~~ hubris. It's easy, it's cliche, and it probably manifests itself in more tragedies than any other flaw. But it's more than a player with an inflated sense of self worth. The entire team (with some exceptions) seems to ooze that confidence/pride/arrogance from every pore, as if it is the very fiber of their being. The Celtics are champions. They are deserving. They are confident, even to a fault. So I ask: is it possible that the Celtics are underestimating Marbury's homewrecking abilities because of their own collective sense of self value? Is this really a team with a subconscious that hums along with the thought that it is simply too good, too strong, and too tightly knit to succumb to the demands of a locker room terrorist like Steph?

As we know, these have been relatively hard times for the Celts. In Boston, that basically means that they're not winning every game. As a result, it's impossible to ignore the possibility that this team gets flat out desperate. I don't think the Celtics are in any kind of trouble, to be honest. Yes, the bench is weaksauce, and that could be an issue down the road. But for a league that is predicated on runs, be they 5 minutes or 5 games, voices from all sorts of media outlets seem a little too eager to whip out the doomsday scenarios. Obviously I'm fairly clueless as to the inner dialogues of the Celtics' brass, but for their sake one could only hope that those thoughts haven't even entered their minds. The Celtics aren't "finished" now, just like the Lakers weren't "finished" weeks ago. Still, I would not be the least bit surprised if Starbury finds himself seeing green in a matter of weeks. If not as a product of Celtic Pride (they need to remake that movie), then as a matter of sheer desperation. Just in case you haven't had enough Dark Knight around here lately: perhaps in their desperation, the Celtics turn to a man they don't fully understand.

Sorry, it was too easy. But the point is made. I'm not sure how any team with a firm head on their shoulders would entertain the idea of bringing this guy in. That even applies to Popovich, to whom standard player disclaimers typically do not apply. It's a terrible shame what has become of his career, and I still think that as long as the Knicks are paying him, he should be playing. We've beaten that horse to death, and so we move on down the line of horses. If you have any desire to win a championship this season, Stephon Marbury should not be on your team. It's that simple. There's a reason LeBron practically responded with "WTF? Are you kidding me?!" when asked about Steph suiting up in Cleveland last season. This guy is trouble. I don't mean in the bad boy mold that makes girls weak in the knees, either (though in all fairness, Steph wears a mean leather jacket). So for Celtics fans the world over: keep praying. For Lakers fans, and those of us who generally love to see the rich get poorer and the poor get relatively richer (unless they become the rich, of course): keep your fingers crossed.

Just Another Day on the Hardwood

2009-01-07T01:24:00.003-06:00

Mmmm...yeah, that's right. Soak it in. 114-106. There are few things in the NBA that I cherish more than a Bobcats win. One of those things is a 'Cats win over the friggin' Celtics. Nevermind the "slump" Boston is supposedly on. Moore totally called this in the 15 yesterday, by the way, but ABOVE ALL: just remember that as mighty as the C's may be, the lowly Bobcats will always be there. Hiding. Waiting. Gerald Wallace ready to pounce and rip out somebody's throat. Yeah. I BELIEVE. (Not really. Still, that was one hell of a game.)

15 Footer 01.06.09

2009-01-06T16:32:00.004-06:00

Transmitted by Moore thirty floors below sea level, from a bunker... (mad props if you catch that reference)

A Real Zero-Sum Game (Houston at Philly): Philly got hit with the bad luck blues in yet another way last weekend when that ball bounced to Parker. That could have been a turning point for them, coming from behind and beating a good team on the road. Instead, it's another reminder of how nothing can go right this season. So if they win tonight,it'll be tempered (most-likely) by the Rockets' injuries and missing starters. If they lose, it's losing to an incomplete team that's struggling to find itself. Similarly, Houston needed that Atlanta win bad, to rally some sense of wholeness within themselves, without McGrady or Artest. If they win tonight, well, they're just beating a Sixers team on a bad roll without Elton Brand. If they lose, well, everyone continue panicking, move along. Iggy (yes, I'm calilng you Iggy, Iggy. Mr. Iggleson. Iggy van Iggy and the Iggy-Iggy Tonites) has woken up and is back to his useful self. Andre Miller is the new Iggy, suffering through a slump. But if you want a matchup to watch tonight? How about The Hanging Thad Versus, potentially, Ron Artest? That's just brutal. Everyone should just clear out, have them go ISO, and let God sort 'em out. Instead we'll have Reggie Evans missing putbacks and Luis Scola being angry about fouls. Fun times.

And You Will Know Us By Our Players Casual Fans Have Never Heard Of (Celtics at Bobcats): Bobcats win tonight. I recognize that this goes against all logic, and that most likely, Boston will trash this team beyond comprehension. But the Celtics are struggling, the Bobcats are really good at small forward which is essential to beating the C's (I'll come back to that in a minute), and the Cats gave them fits last year. This is a better Bobcats team that's slowly starting to figure things out. If Adam Morrison and Sean May weren't such wastes of space, they might even be decent. In the interim, most of the time it takes an excellent performance by a small forward to beat the C's. Not better than Pierce, because that's not happening, and not because of Pierce's defense, which is usually excellent. It's just a trend I've picked up on that has very shady evidence and you should probably dismiss out of hand. So call it a hunch. Meanwhile, Boris Diaw versus Garnett-Powe-Perkins is enough to make your brain explode, and Okafor's going to give the Celtics some problems. DJ Augustin versus Rondo? This one looks better every second.

WANTED: SIX BIG MEN TO FOUL BIGGER MAN (Magic at Wizards): It's not like there aren't big men that shoot free throws well. There are lots of big men that shoot free throws very well. So when Dwight Howard acts like that's all, folks, it's kind of bullsh*t. Now, frame this with the fact that he's averaging 28.5 and 15.0 Rebounds against the Wiz this season. If I were Washington, I'd go out and sign as many big men as I could make roster space for, and take Hack-A-Dwight to a whole new level. Teach him something special. I'm leaning towards Antawn winning the battle of power forwards, but there's not a guard on the Wizards who can stop Jameer Nelson right now. No, that does not get less weird to type.

An Unlikely Rivalry (Grizzlies vs. Wolves): I desperately want O.J. Mayo versus Kevin Love to become some sort of perverted rivalry, where all Love wants to do is go out and play his game and get paid, and O.J. wants to destroy him. Love won't care, and it'll be great fireworks. This game becomes more fascinating the more I think about it and should be a better matchup than the last disappointing Grizz showing. Jefferson versus Gasol, Arthur versus Gomes, Miller versus OJAM, and lots of players in between. Oddly, the difference tonight may be Warrick, who's been lights out. Or the bad Grizzlies could show up and this could be a nightmare for the home team.

NEW YORK CITAY?! (Knicks at Thunder): Kevin Durant doesn't think he's an All-Star. Stephon Marbury probably thinks he could be. Ponder that tonight.

Roadkill. (Clippers at Mavericks): Baron Davis is out. The Clippers are terrible. The Mavericks are angry and at home. Come on, this is not rocket science, folks.

The NBA's Version Of the Hadron Collider (Bulls and Kings): If Rose and Martin simultaneously run in opposite directions on the floor, Mikki Moore's head will explode. It's true. It's science.

Big Daddy Bets The Pot (Hornets vs. Lakers): The Hornets have gotten pushed around by the Lakers so far this season. Chandler's back after his suspension, and Paul's been on an even-high-for-him tear. Meanwhile the Lakers are just better than everyone else. So who gives first, here? Answer: David West versus Gasol. Oh, and if Andrew Bynum does anything good at all, everyone will race to pronounce this his coming out party and start talking about him being the greatest center in the league again. Fun all around.

Point Guards Are So 2008

2009-01-06T14:30:00.007-06:00

There are certain actions that just aren't appropriate around holidays. Call it ancient custom, arbitrary tradition, or common decency. You don't break up with someone around Valentine's Day. And for gossake you don't fire someone on Christmas.

Instead, you wait a week or two for the candy canes to digest, the lights to come down, and those damn Christmas carols to disappear from stores and the radio. THEN send 'em packin'. At least that's the case with Shaun Livingston, former great hope and high school phenom, and Dee Brown, now former Phoenix Sun and former winner of the "At Least He's Not Goran Dragic" back-up point guard sweepstakes. While Dee Brown's sudden departure is more of an unfortunate footnote, today is certainly a day in which the NBA world nurses the collective soft spot in its heart for Livingston.

You know about his promise. You know about the injury. And you know that even if he does make a full-fledged NBA return, it's likely that he'll never be the same player again. It's one thing for a player's career to be significantly altered because of some boneheaded mistake or shady judgment. Still, I'll save the obituary for Livingston's career for a more appropriate time (like, umm, when it's actually over). Like it or not (like it, you heartless bastard), I think Shaun has a legitimate place in this league. He isn't ready now, and no one expected him to be. So for now, let's shake our heads at each other and say "What a shame...", wait it out, and anxiously look to the day when everyone's favorite tall point guard that may have never panned out all that well anyway will make his real comeback to the lig. You go, Shaun.

EDIT: Apparently that real comeback is starting right about...now. Maybe. Bright Side of the Sun is reporting that the Suns, recent dispatchers of Dee Brown that they are, may soon be courting one Mr. Livingston. Stay frosty.

BREAKING NEWS

2009-01-06T14:28:00.002-06:00

David Lee, along with every other player to ever play a professional sport, may or may not be traded.

15 Footer 1.5.09

2009-01-05T17:00:00.000-06:00

But Home is Where the Heart Is, So Your Real Home's In Your Chest (Sacramento at New Jersey):

This song does not mean that Vince Carter has a heart. Or a soul for that matter. But the Nets are a lowly 6-12 at home, despite the fact that they're hovering around .500. Yuck. Still, I'll never tire of shoveling praise Jersey's way for just how competitive they've been this season, even against some pretty tough competition. Devin's potential absence is one hell of a hiccup considering he accounts for about half of the offensive creation (the other half goes to his royal Douchebagness). But luckily for the Nets, they're playing the Kings. Yeah, yeah, Kevin Martin's back, and that does wonders for this game's watchability. Beautiful. Still, the Nets have made the most quiet of ruckuses (rucki?) with a nice stretch of competitive, intensely entertaining affairs. This team has a lot of...something. I'm not sure what that something is just yet, but I'll get back to you.

The Little Giants, Starring Rick Moranis, Ed O'Neill, 2.0 (San Antonio at Miami):

If you've read HP for any substantial length of time, you know that the Spurs are the villains of every kids sports movie ever made. They've got the silver spoon in their mouths. They've got the matching uniforms. They've got the attitude. And meanwhile, the nerdy protagonist of a coach has assembled a group of cast-offs and misfits that may not win, but certainly learns a valuable lesson. Maybe Pop isn't as infinitely hateable as some of those mythical asshole coaches with their slicked back hair, but the team is just as insidious, just as ruthless, and though the Lakers and Celtics are the big dogs, the Spurs are still the bad guys. Trust me.

Wade 2.0 is the imported talent who doesn't quite seem to belong, and yet the team thrives on his play and his success. So come on 2.0, win the day, and put Spoelestra's name on that damn water tower.

All Together Now (Toronto at Milwaukee):

I fell in line with the majority, I refused to believe, and now I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I'm sorry, dear Bucks, but I refused to believe in you. But somehow, even without my valuable approval, Skiles has the Bucks right in the thick of things in the East. Want to know what's truly amazing about 'Waukee's resurgence (or maybe just surgence)? In typical Skiles fashion, they're doing it as a team. A Luol Deng isn't emerging with "next big thing" status. A Kirk Hinrich or a Ben Gordon aren't being annointed as premier talents at their position. Rather, Michael Redd has been good not great, Richard Jefferson does a little bit of everything, Bogut's progress is on schedule, and the rotation has been steady. So why am I surprised by a team with no surprises?

On the other side of the tracks, the Raps are still in trouble. Add some injury concerns on top of the flaming bag of dog feces that currently resides on Colangelo's front porch, and you can begin to see just how putrid this team smells right about now. Delightful.

A Fun Family Game for All Ages (Golden State at Utah):

The Warriors are a chicken with its head cut off, forced to scramble randomly within an invisible boundary. If the chicken crosses the invisible boundary, it's foe, a chimpanzee (Jazz), explodes. Don't ask how or why. Do you think the Warriors would be able to explain it anyway? The Jazz, however, have two options: the chimpanzee can attempt to put together a five-piece puzzle which has a simplicity countered only by the fact that a monkey is attempting to put it together. Or, the chimp can attempt to chase the headless chicken and kill it with its bare hands. Think about it.

So Much Depends Upon a Red Wheelbarrow (Indiana at Denver):

The NBA world adores Danny Granger, and for the most part I agree. He's an incredible talent, a hell of a scorer, and amassess stats like it ain't no thang. But, I have to ask: what does Granger have that Carmelo doesn't? Carmelo's been criticized and picked at and prodded about his status as a 'franchise player', and yet Danny Granger is widely revered as not only the great hope of the Pacers, but their franchise messiah. What is so inherently different about Granger's game that separates him from Melo's apparent stroke of fatal misfortune? Why is he destined for greatness when the two have similar defensive fallacies, rely on the midrange jumper, and can be off-the-charts scorers?

Regardless of which way you lean, these players are essential to their teams' relative levels of success. Though Billups return to hometown hero status will always be considered the catalyst of Denver's season, Carmelo Anthony is no doubt the engine that keeps the team running. His scoring, his fearlessness, and his surprisingly good defense have all been essential parts of Denver's run. I don't even need to mention the fact that he's taking all the big shots despite the fact that Mr. Big Shot is supposedly on the court alongside him.

And Again

2009-01-05T16:46:00.003-06:00

As with everything lousy about the Suns, I blame Steve Kerr. DAMN!

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He Finally Scores - But In The Wrong Basket

2009-01-05T15:28:00.004-06:00

I only hope that our boy Antoine was, ahem, "pulling a Chuck" when this happened. Not sitting around, trying to figure out what to do with all the free time on his hands. Yeah, the same free time he's had for about 4 seasons.

On the other hand, old dude was out til near 6am. All that rest and relaxation he gets on the bench must make him an all night party fiend. BTW, just out of curiosity, wouldn't it be wild if the cop knew it was Walker by his infamous bumper sticker "I'd Rather Be Riding The Pine"?

Again, jokes aside, we are sad to see this happen. At least everyone was safe. Well, except for Walker - who will give his millions of critics even more firepower. Maybe he should sit at home in his basement, in his underwear, and blog. That way you don't put your life in danger. Well, except when you piss off Jazz fans. YIKES!

Photo H/T: Hoopsvibe. And no, we are not insinuating that this would be the kind of girl that he might be "Chuck"ing. It's only a pic.

The Rockets, The Mirror, and Tracy McGrady

2009-01-05T12:49:00.000-06:00

When I was in junior high, I decided to only take the advanced coursed for math and science. I like English the best, I had the best grades in English, but I thought that there was no hope for me ever getting a job in English, and I should just stick to what's "important."

Nevermind the fact that it was the job of the TAG (Talented and Gifted, FTW) teacher to identify where my specialties lay. I just declined to say anything about it and carried on. But after my first writing exercise my sophomore year my teacher busted me and asked why I wasn't in the higher classes. I explained and she said that was pretty stupid and set about getting me into AP English, mostly so I wouldn't ruin the curve and cause everyone to hate me more than they already did. I got into the AP classes, discovered I loved English and things have been pretty different since.

Now, I'm not saying this to stroke my ego based off my high school accomplishments ten years ago in small-town Arkansas public schools, as awesome as that is, but to illustrate a fact. Eventually, you've got to look yourself in the mirror and realize who you are, regardless of how you intended to become.

The Houston Rockets have not done this.

The best this team has performed in the past three years was during their massive 22 game win streak last season that coincided with Yao Ming's injury. Additionally, the best game of their season since opening night was Saturday night when, without Tracy McGrady, Shane Battier, or Crazy Pills, they battled, rattled and flummoxed the very-good-no-for-real-stop-laughing Atlanta Hawks at home. Luis Scola was making mince meat out of Josh Smith, even as Smith was popping off at the other end of the floor. Aaron Brooks commanded a topside screen, flew past it, threw himself through the air and sliced in layups. Rafer Alston made big steals. Yao Ming did his thing. Carl Landry brought the energy. There was ball movement, there was effort, there was Von freaking Wafer playing through a hamstring issue, still hitting big shots. It was everything the Rockets have not been.

Was it Battier's absence? Clearly not, he was around for the run last year, and if anything, the team's movement and leadership is improved with him on the floor.

Crazy Pills? Maybe, but Artest is a wild animal you sick on your opponent. He may bite you from time to time, but it's worth it just to scare the bejeesus out of them.

Which of course leaves Mr. McGrady.

I can throw stats at you, if you'd like. I can talk about his shooting 39%. I can talk about the fact that his page on Yahoo! actually says "Injury Note on January 3rd, 2008 (Chronically sore left knee). I can talk about the fans turning on him, hard. But none of that reaches the real issue. Because the issue's not really McGrady. It's the Rockets.

See, McGrady's doing what he feels like he has to. He's playing through pain, like a leader should. He's trying to shoulder the immense burden, which has compounded with every loss to the Jazz in the first round. He's trying to rise above. The fly in this martyrdom ointment? He talks about it. He said before the season he didn't think his knee would be right all season. He constantly talks about the issue. Let me put it this way. When Manu's ankle got worse after the Olympics, did you hear him constantly talking about? Was he trying to play through it? Were there constant discussions of it? No. Popovich shelved him and told him to stay quiet, get healthy, come back. Period. Because otherwise, you're still going to get the criticism. If you can't play, don't play. Because if you do play, no one's going easy on you just because you tried hard. It's harsh, and unfortunate, and honestly, it sucks for him, but that's how it is.

Conversely, the Rockets can't look at themselves and say "We can win without him." They did it last year without Ming, but without the player that is constantly saying he wants to just "take what comes to him" instead of forcing the issue, which the Rockets desperately need from him from time to time on the offensive end, they tend to lose their heads. Richard Justice, who is reviled by the blogoshphere, speaks to this fear.

"Yet the Rockets must have McGrady playing at a high level to make any noise in the playoffs. That’s the bottom line. At the moment, they can’t win with him. During the playoffs, they can’t win without him.'

There's some truth to that, that you need those kind of players in the playoffs. But they have enough talent to make some noise if they were to trade McGrady for a composite. A reliable point, a shooter, and another big to throw in their Ultimate Frontcourt Of Doom Machine. You want Yao to be your franchise? Let's see it.

This is moot of course. No one is taking McGrady. And giving up on McGrady would mean further revisions to the team, another direction which takes time. And that's not what Morey's angled for. They're stuck.

It's too bad because when this team is clicking, when Brooks is haphazardly attacking the rim, when Scolas is shocking people with his post moves, when Landry is finishing on putbacks and Barry's hitting big shots, they have a good team. They're just a little shorthanded.

Unfortunately, McGrady can't give them the hand they need. It breaks too easy.

For Christmas, Paroxi-wife got me the McGrady Free Darko print. As much as T-Mac frustrates me, I love the print. It talks a lot about what I love about the game. Because McGrady, at least for now and the forseeable future is doomed. And yet he's still trying to force his way through skeletons, fully aware of the doom that shrouds him, but going on. I don't know if it's masochism, perserverence, martyrdom, obsession, or good intentions, but it says something about him. And I'll keep hoping for things to turn out right for him, finally.

But in the meantime, I have to keep pointing at the mirror and hope the Rockets turn to see what they are, and what they could be.

What Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Less Likely To Rebound: Seven Seconds Or Less And The Dark Knight

2009-01-05T00:13:00.005-06:00

Joker: Oh, and you know the thing about Chaos?

(pause)

Joker: It's fair.

I had that line up as a status message on GMail. Why, because it tapped into some deep, philosophical paradigm that I feel implicitly connected to? Because it represents a heartfelt sentiment about the state of the world that I subscribe to? No. Because I think it is sounds cool.

Josh Coleman dropped me a little note out of the blue about it.

"Chaos isn't fair, it is merely indiscriminate and random. That doesn't equate to "fair" or "unfair". Chaos still affects the "innocent" just as much as the "guilty"."

Which led me to respond. And when I responded, something hit me.

"The chaos argument is tempting, because it seems to make sense. You have to hold on to certain tenets to not be suckered in by it. It's like 7SOL, really."

I meant it as a joke, but in reality, it's pretty accurate.

The crux of what the Joker says in that speech is that there is a perceived way to function in the world, and when you threaten that, people's fear overcomes them and drives them to irrational behavior. And similarly, he offers to Harvey an alternative to the lifeview that resulted in the death of his fiance, the release of every criminal he'd helped detain, and of course, that little matter of the left side of his face. He proposes to him a path of unhinged action, of violent opposition to a system that clearly fails to uphold the ideals it claims to value. And the temptation for Dent is how easy it is to give into the alternative, because it rewards all of the dark impulses that exist inside of him, namely, murder, destruction, and most importantly, revenge.

Now, the natural reaction to this line of thinking, despite its temptations, is twofold. First, there's the fact that, you know, unrestrained, indiscriminate destruction and violence is inherently wrong. But of course, the chaos side of the argument gets around that by disavowing the entire concept of right and wrong as part of those tenets you have to hold on to. Secondly is the matter, that the Joker ends up getting his ass kicked, swinging from a roof after his master plan completely failed. But think about why it failed. In the end, his failure, even in the short-term, was the result not of the caped crusaders' punching and kicking and bataranging. It was the inability of people on the boats to push the button. The decision not to go through with the most chaotic of impulses, the disregard of those exact tenets. In reality, the tenets didn't dictate the action, the action validated the tenets through their existence. People are inherently good because they didn't push the button. This of course goes back to a fairly long-standing and unspeakably more complex philosophical debate than I can articulate, but that's neither here nor there, so bear with me.

How does this relate to a mustached coach and Al Harrington? I'll tell you.

One of the things that's been noted by many people in the basketball world is the fact that SSOL tempts you into playing their game. You'll notice teams that get suckered into the pace, throwing themselves up and down the court, trying full court outlet passes, transition threes. It speaks to the funnest nature of basketball. Bill Simmons, actually, surprisingly, nailed it pretty well in his recent article.

"When you exert a seemingly chaotic run-and-gun pace, opponents invariably get caught up in that tempo—you know, because deep down every player really wants to shoot every seven seconds—and that's exactly what Coach Mike wants. He trains his teams to play that style and looks for players who make it work, giving him an inherent advantage every night. "

Now, Simmons' article is heavily flawed in several respects, as outlined here, and here, but that point is pretty accurate. There's a reason you're seeing Al Harrington having a renaissance there and why the Knicks as a whole look like they've been released from prison. D'Antoni has tapped into something ethereal that exists in players that tend to falter in traditional systems. Players that are made of athleticism and style, but little toughness or resolve. He is, somehow, able to tap into something philosophical with his teams and bring out the best in players that previously had nothing resembling a "best." He does so by feeding what many consider the worst parts of them previously. He takes their little world and he turns it in on themselves. It's fun. And it's tempting. It's that chaos being introduced to a system. And from a player's standpoint, it allows them to freelance and always look to score. It's... fair.

Now, conversely, Simmons' article also is a good reference point because it speaks to the prevailing counter-argument. The tenets of rational order, you might say. The tenets are that defense wins championship, toughness always wins over flash, and that you can't play basketball like that and expect to win. And just like in the Dark Knight, the end seems to justify that train of thought. The Joker got caught, the Spurs won the title, and all is right with the world (don't even get me started on the similarities between Batman accepting the responsibility of being hunted by the police and criticized for his good intentions and the Spurs being constantly dogged as "boring"). But there's also something telling in what the Joker tells Batman, hanging there, laughing at him.

"I think you and I are destined to do this forever."

Just because SSOL failed in the desert doesn't mean it will always fail, and it didn't mean the end of the movement. Because tonight, when the Knicks, with Al Harrington firing threes and Nate Robinson splitting defenders, beat the Celtics, with all their defense, all their fundamentals, all their strength, you saw a glimpse of it. The battle's eternal, and necessary between the two. Chaotic, freewheeling mania versus controlled, disciplined order.

Now, of course, this isn't meant to idolize the violent murder the joker takes as whimsy, nor to link D'Antoni to that kind of behavior. But there's a reason that no one goes around quoting any of Christian Bale's lines from that film, a reason that Ledger is posthumously up for an Oscar and was spoken of a nomination before his passing, a reason that when you think of that film, you think of the Joker. And it's the same reason kids love to dunk, that we like the fastbreak more than the halfcourt, and why Gilbert Arenas is on the All-Star ballot despite not playing a tick and Bruce Bowen has never been a serious DPOY of the year candidate. It's human nature, and it plays out every night on the court.

The best part is that there will never be an answer to the question. The fundamentalists will respond with "Who's got the rings?" and the other side will respond with a cackle and just a simple...

"You'll see. I'll show you."

15 Footer in a Nutshell 1.2.09

2009-01-02T16:54:00.003-06:00

via Matt Moore, the HP Overlord: "Watch everything. Suck it in. Drink it. Slurp of its beauty. 15 games, 15 box scores, 15 chances for someone to go NOVA. What a great way to start the year."

The man couldn't be more right. If there was ever a night of NBA action that picture-in-picture was made for, it was tonight. Enjoy the new kick-off to the new year, enjoy the slate tonight, and enjoy this mailed-in 15 Footer. Have a great weekend, all.

Bloggers Are Real Hoomans

2009-01-02T09:32:00.004-06:00

I wanted to send a belated, and much appreciated, Hat Tip to David Arnott (pictured above) - lover of the Bobcats, blogger extraordinaire and all-around awesome dude - with whom I had the pleasure of meeting and talking ball this past Tuesday.

I was in Charlotte for New Year's Eve partying and made my way to Bobcats arena to check out the Bobcats/Knicks game. Any time I make trips to NBA cities, I always at least try to meet up with some of the folks we link, debate, gain insight and laugh with on a daily internet basis. If you aren't reading David's stuff, you should be. He has a great beat on the league in general and some fantastic insights into what currently is/is'nt working with the Bobcats and how they can (not necessarily will) fix it. He's funny and has a great, patient girlfriend who let us sit there and toss out blogger talk and NBA jokes for a couple quarters. These women that choose to be with us blogger types, they are saints.

Next on my list are San Antonio, Salt Lake City and LA - cause we are on such good terms with bloggers of those cities' teams. Fun Times!

Also, Mike D'Antoni is gorgeous in person. Sorry, I just needed to get that off my chest.

Bad Luck for Chuck

2009-01-02T09:14:00.005-06:00

I can tell you a great way to get the youth vote, do something like this.

Look, let's be real about this. Drunk Driving is stupid, reckless and dangerous. I am not condoning it, or maligning the cavalier callousness of young people (or older people who still behave awesomely irresponsible). But, if there were ever a good excuse to do something that stupid, Barkley nailed it (no pun intended... maybe).

The only good thing to come out of this, besides every single sentence written about the incident, is that is happened over the holiday break and it will be underreported. Barkley has this superhuman-like quality to avoid any sort of profound damage in the court of public opinion. Perhaps that is what allows him to use such gross miscalculations in judgement on a somewhat regular basis; however, one must still marvel at how little the man is reviled and held accountable for his actions. If this were a Stephon Marbury or Screamin' A. faux pas, they would be pilloried. Chuck just sold some more posters in college dorms and now has a distinct, albeit distant, possibility that he might be getting a new butt tattoo (ed. note: I don't see how the cop could turn that offer down. At least get him to follow through on it before you arrest him. Heck, take him to the parlor on the way to the jail. This is an enormous missed opportunity).

We here at HP love Barkley and we want to see and hear more from him. But incidents like this seriously jeopardize his future ambitions and national visibility. It's great to be funny, but not when the jokes are on yourself. So, if the, ahem, outcome of the previous encounter with this lady was so good that Charles had to drunkenly drive back to get some more, use all that money that didn't go to pay off gambling debts to get a cab. And while you're at it, have another beer (since you won't be putting others in danger) - it'll make you last longer.

Oh yeah, and on second thought, maybe I WILL be going to Arizona for the All Star game. It sounds enticing.

15 Footer 12.31.08: I'm Late, I'm Late, I'm Late

2008-12-31T17:09:00.004-06:00

My bad, I'm a little late with this. You're all probably already drunk by now.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

REPENT! And Thou Shalt Be Saved (Orlando at Chicago):

This game is on, like, right now. NBA schedulers, you are truly a wacky bunch. I know just how incredible Derrick Rose is and is becoming, but all I can think about is the following: 1) how infuriating Nocioni is, 2) how underwhelming Luol Deng is, 3) how Ben Gordony Ben Gordon is. Not to say that the team's unwatchable, but the aforementioned three always seem to distract me from the meaningful action. Also, since I'm a recent convert to the church of Jameer Nelson, I was told that I still need to do some unsolicited praise to make up for my past transgressions against the tiny point guard deity. Jameer is fair and just, and he does no wrong. All hail the midrange jumper.

Ripless in New Jersey (New Jersey at Detroit):

Watching Pistons small-ball feels like pouring acid in my eyes. It's not that I don't like the players. More likely, deep down inside, I find Tayshaun Prince playing starting power forward deeply disturb to an almost unspeakable level. Dude's a 3. He's a skinny 3. And though his shift to the 4 isn't exactly to blame for Detroit's fall from grace, I'll be plenty relieved if the whispers of Amir's full-time return prove to be true. In the meantime, they'll fine tune and spin their wheels against the Nets. Jersey has been impressive for stretches, but the Pistons are still the Pistons. Kind of. Still, give 'em the benefit of the doubt, even if they do lay an egg against some powerful weak teams.

Let the Corpse of the Spurs Stand as Foreboding Evidence (Milwaukee at Houston):

Evidence of what, I'm not so sure. I was completely oblivious to the delightfully odd streak of success the Bucks have had at the expense of the Spurs, until Graydon's cohort Tim Varner at 48 Minutes of Hell was kind enough to point it out to all of us. Last night, Tim either jinxed the sh*t out of the game or simply laid forth a convincing argument, because SanAn fell short once again. Be afraid, Rox. Be very afraid. (Actually, don't. Seriously. This one's going to be a breeze.)

I'm Going On Strike (Denver at Toronto):

No more Nuggets. I am so convinced that this team is supposed to not be good, that I refuse to talk about them anymore. Chauncey Billups has rocked my world in a way that I'm not ready to embrace. Toronto...is just a constant reminder of the ways in which I will always be wrong. I so thought that this team was ready to overcome their depth issues. Instead, Chris Bosh plays like a superduperstar for one minute, and a middle of the pack all-star the next. Meanwhile, Jose Calderon is so efficient he's invisible, but so unimpressive that his additions to his team aren't enough to balance for the weak bench. Jermaine shows up every other game, which apparently is not enough. So basically what I'm saying is: find your own damn preview because one of these teams is dead to me and the other only represents my deep-seeded fears of actually being wrong.

There's Beauty in the Breakdown (Golden State at Oklahoma City):

Gotta love these. The Warriors may not be the wonderful cesspool of anarchy they once were, but they may just be woefully wonderful in an altered state of anarchy. Call me crazy, but the team has been infinitely irritating, and though they frequently get demolished, they occasionally wreak a level of havoc (to both themselves and other teams) that is unparalleled. But while the success (or lack thereof) of the Warriors reads like a seismograph, the Thunder have been remarkably consistent. Consistent in their own unique brand of suck, consistent in their inability to pull out close games, consistent in their subpar level of talent. The Thunder fight, and they fight hard, and so do the Warriors...sometimes. The contrast is as interesting as it is awesome. Can't wait.

Behold, The Requisite Terrible Game of the Night (Philadelphia at LA Clippers):

For all of their flaws, I still do find some joy in watching Golden State, OKC, and even Toronto. But despite Al Thornton's best efforts, I hate watching the Clippers. Elton Brand and Corey Maggette each had their own niche of curiosity, but the intrigue this team once had has faded. There's no more "hey, will this thing work?" with Baron, Camby and Kaman have rarely hit the floor together due to injuries, and Dunleavy refuses to cave to madness and start Randolph, Kaman, and Camby. Keep building those walls, MDSr. Keep building the prison that cages you, your players, and the franchise. In the meantime, I'll dodge Clips games like the plague, especially when they're playing a marginally interesting team in the Sixers. Brand's injured, and even when healthy he had already lost some of the tragic hero mystique that made him so damn interesting. Instead, we're forced into watching Andre Iguodala's sometimes successful attempts to salvage the season

19:41

2008-12-31T16:25:00.005-06:00

19 minutes and 41 seconds. That is the length of time I just saw J.J. Redick play professional basketball. Is that a world record? I don't think anyone has seen Redick play basketball in years, much less actually have enough time on the floor to get off 4 3-pointers (and only make 1). Supposedly he is averaging over 16 minutes a game this season, but I don't believe it. I guess when you take a 16 point lead over the Bulls in the 1st quarter anything can happen.

You know had the best play of the game. This guy:

I'm being completely serious. Benny the Bull hit two behind the back, half-court shots in a row. That is impressive. Oh, and Thabo Sefolosha threw a nasty no-look alley-oop to Tyrus Thomas. Too bad it came with 2 minutes left in the fourth quarter of 19 point loss to a Orlando team that is firing on all cylinders. Is it just me or has the Eastern Conference hit its stride this season?

I Can't Take It Anymore

2008-12-31T10:27:00.001-06:00

Okay, I'm done. I've never been good at keeping secrets. I just have to get this off my chest, and I figured this is the best way to do it.

You knew that Matt Moore was taking a little "vacation" away from the blog. Something to do with a real-life relocation or something. That's not...entirely true. He was relocating, sure. Constantly. The man flew all over the world, visiting spiritual leaders, prophets, guidance counselors, cult leaders, the set of Crossing Over with John Edwards, psychics, and scholars of the supernatural, with just one goal in mind: put a hex on the Jazz. That's right Jazz fans -- we've had it in for you all along.

While I never questioned Matt's resolve to quash all of those who dare challenge HP's unquestionable rule (or really, hyperbolic hatred of the Jazz), I have to admit that I had my doubts as to his methods. I mean, I'm as COMPLETELY-unbiased-and-yet-still-irritated-by-Carlos-Boozer as they come, but hexes? Well, I'm manning up and admitting that I was wrong. 30 days of globe trotting and hexing has reaped a hobbled Deron Williams, injury complications for Boozer, frequent absences for Memo Okur, an on-the-job accident for Paul Millsap, and the latest: Carlos Boozer suddenly deciding to have arthroscopic knee surgery. Mental note to not get on his bad side.

Other than trying their best to stay out of Moore's cross hairs, the Jazz will have a lot of work to do. If there is a team in the league that needs home court advantage in the playoffs, it's the Jazz. Their road record (7-10) rivals the Clippers (5-10) and the Bucks (7-12), and though they certainly are excused for that due to their ridiculous string of hex-caused freak incidents, history serves as a reminder that this team excels at home and struggles to maintain that same high level of play on the road. Take away from that what you will, but this team needs to win every regular season game it can not only to secure home-court in the playoffs (optimistically), but to even make the playoffs. The Suns are trotting along, the Mavs are surging, and the Nuggets refuse to vanish without a trace. Things are going to be ugly for the odd team out come April. If Boozer's injury struggles persist (or if he his return doesn't go as swiftly or smoothly as planned) or if the team hits the rough patch, who's to say everyone's favorite regular season team won't be such a great regular season team after all?

Photographic Evidence That Boston Has Actually Been Cheated Out of One Call

2008-12-31T04:00:00.004-06:00

6 guys on the court for Portland = referee EPIC FAIL.

And in a five point game, too. Not that the Celtics need any help with defending themselves, but sheesh. To answer your potential questions: yes the play ran without a whistle, and yes, the Blazers scored.

(Hat tip for the picture to the Real GM message boards)

EDIT: Here's the tape:

Thanks to Inside Hoops.

Doucheceratops No More: Mutombo Returns

2008-12-31T01:35:00.004-06:00

He's baaaaaaaaaaack. Hope you're ready to sex him.

This acquisition is ridiculous for the Rockets. They already have too much depth at center, their frontline is monstrously tall, and Yao is a sure thing in terms of durability. They don't need help off the bench guarding the best bigs in the West, and they already have all of the pieces they need to win the title.

Or, everything I said in that paragraph is a complete lie. What? I've gotta make this sh*t interesting somehow. An upper echelon team that really only needs time to figure things out just got huge help to buffer one of their only real weaknesses. And, at practically no loss. Yeah, Steve Francis is gone. La-dee-da. Instead, you have one of the best interior defenders of all time (although aged), rested, supposedly "in-shape," and ready to rock. I will say this: if it came down to Deke going to Boston, San Antonio, or Houston, I'm glad he chose H-town rather than Mordor or Isengard. Good riddance.

It also comes on the same day as some other Rockets news: Tracy McGrady will intentionally miss some games he probably would have missed anyway. Brilliant. Still, I'm fairly frightened of what the Rockets could become and what the Rockets might become, and that's a damn near unstoppable force if they play their cards right. That's good and all if you're into winning 'ships, but I find the whole "strong, but flawed and lovable" thing much more endearing.

Another Quick Observation from HP

2008-12-31T01:27:00.001-06:00

2.0 is really, really, really, really good. FYI.

Krstic Heads to the Thunder, Nets Were All Like "Whatever"

2008-12-30T13:39:00.003-06:00

Old news by now, but Nenad Krstic has made his triumphantly awkward return back to the States. All signs point to the fact that he wanted to stay in the NBA all along, and perhaps trapped himself into some sort of "Well...then I'll go to Europe!" ultimatum. Who knows, who cares. The important thing is that he's back, and in slightly more predictable fashion, the Nets don't want him.

He's come full-circle in terms of his importance in Jersey; a weird face-up anomaly that seemed capable of dropping 18 and 7 for the foreseeable future, but apparently insignificant in the name of 2010 flex. I seriously doubt that it's LeBron or Bust, anyway; how well would LeBron gel in the infant dribble-drive offense that seems to have so much potential when captained by Devin? Harris and LeBron are both improved shooters, but are they really best suited in an offense that functionally enables them to lurk out on the perimeter while the other takes their turn? Now, if you swap out Vince for say, Joe Johnson (via free agency), and net a nice power forward in 2010, that team starts looking awfully sexy. LeBron may be a once in a lifetime talent, but unless Devin revolutionizes his game or Rod Thorn can get full value in a trade for Devin, it could be a weak fit. Not that this really has anything to do with Krstic, but I guess the loose relation of 2010 cap space has me rambling.

Pretty sweet pick-up for the Thunder, though. The team has been ridiculously competitive this season in relation to their laughable record; it seems as though every time I tune in or check a mid-game box score, they're nursing a tiny lead or facing a manageable deficit. The issue isn't one of effort, and you'd know as much if you watch the Thunder regularly (the few, the proud). There just isn't enough talent on the roster for the bunch to be a good team, and Krstic certainly helps there. Dude can play, though he's certainly not without his flaws. His presence suddenly makes Chris Wilcox and Joe Smith's expiring deals just that much more expendable, and one can only hope that OKC will get back prospects or picks in return.

Quick Observation from HP

2008-12-30T01:48:00.001-06:00

The Cavs are really, really, really good. FYI.

15 Footer 12.30.08

2008-12-30T00:03:00.006-06:00

Don't Stand On The Quisy When The Hawks Are Comin' Through (Hawks at Pacers): Is Danny Granger crazy? Probably a little. He's certainly crazy about the Hawks. He lit them up for 34 when last they met, including shooting 72% from the field and um, well, lighting the building on fire. The Hawks are rolling, having won 5 in a row. But this is a back to back coming off an 8 game homestand, first game back on the road, last game before New Year's, and yeah. So essentially what we have here is a recipe for disaster. With Quisy Daniels.

You're Going To Love Them And Forget Them So You Might As Well Love Them Lots(New York at Charlotte): I feel like Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters... . "This means something." In the end scene of that film (that goes on for about a half hour), they do that awesome special effect where all the clouds boil together over one place, in that instance Devils Tower. In this instance, it's Madison Square Garden. This is a perfect storm of oversized combo forwards with no respect towards defense, underachieving shooters, uncoordinated big men, random hustle junkies, and Wilson Chandler. Al Harrington, the DÁntoni edition meets Boris Diaw, untethered from expecations and free to roam. Gerald Wallace versus David Lee. And to top it all off, you have the former DÁntoni favorites Bell and Diaw to mix with the trade rumors linking them towards a reunion. Come inside, come inside.

The Devil Knows You're Dead (Cleveland at Miami): LeBron vanquished Wade the other night, even though Wade had a more explosive game. So now they meet again, this time in South Beach. Since there's little chance Riley will get off his ass and trade Marion for the composite pieces he needs to in the next 13 hours, the result should be largely the same. However, you're not going to find much better of a matchup. The Heat are damn entertaining this year, as expected. The Cavs are efficient and deadly. The big problem for the Heat is they're simply outgunned at point guard and power forward. They're second biggest problem is that they don't have LeBron James. Don't get me wrong, Wade's a NOVA machine in his own right, but LBJ has too much raw power for defenses right now. Also bear in mind that Delonte West and Shawn Marion will be sharing a floor tonight. You might as well announce "Paranoia" as a starter.

Look Who's On A Winning Streak (Washington at New Orleans): There is a basketball-like substance in Washington. Repeat, a basketball-like substance in Washington. Do not attempt to subdue the basketball. The Hornets are either cruising or drifting, and there's not much to use to decipher which. So it's entirely possible that the Wizards could pull this thing off, especially with Mike James' added motivation. Or, probability can show up and, well, the Wizards can lose, lose, lose badly. Unlike the Rockets, the Hornets are capable of actually finding their own asses.

Got Some Bad News For You There, Shaqy-Poo (Suns at Grizzlies): You're losing tonight, you big, overrated, chemistry-killing, small-guard-hanging-out-to-dry, pain in the ass. I know, spoken like a true Grizzlies fan, right? Look. Nash may not play with back spasms. The Grizzlies lost a nailbiter to the Spurs, then let the Timberwolves slip away. Mayo's playing like a bomb gone off, and the Suns are overly due for a "Holy Hell, how did they lose that game?"game. A back-to-back for the Suns, on the road, injuries, and OJ Mayo. Goodnight, Moon.

Team-That-Can't-Win-Playoff-Games, Meet Team-That-Can't-Win-Games (Minnesota at Dallas): Josh Howard's pretty good, Dirk Nowitzki is better, the Mavericks will win. Al Jefferson is fun to watch, but after last night, he's going to be exhausted.

It's Not A Race, It's War Of Attrition And The Spurs Are Killing Themselves (Milwaukee at San Antonio): The Bucks are almost as even as they can be in every way. The Spurs have devised a nice pattern. Fall behind for three quarters. Apply pressure in the fourth. Take lead inside two minutes. Coast to victory like you'd always expected it. The Bucks may actually be a more complete team right now than the Spurs. How insane is that? I like the Bucks in an upset, because the Spurs are due for their luck to run out and the Bucks have to catch a break at some point.

Ironmonger, Meet The Ore Mine (Boston at Portland): Both teams are flawed, both teams are discombobulated, both teams need a pick me up. Beating Sacramento does not count. The Blazers have depth, but the Celtics have experience. This is a pretty striking contrast, and honestly, anything could happen and I wouldn't be surprised.

LA Clippers at Sacramento Kings: A game so terrible it's not worthy of pithy headlines. Only watch on doctor's orders.

The Surge Versus The Amalgam Crash: Nuggets at Hawks 12.29.08

2008-12-30T00:03:00.002-06:00

Notes from the Denver Nuggets at Atlanta Hawks, December 29th, 2008.

Is Marvin Williams human or is he dancer? The most frustrating of all the Hawks young guns is arguably the most important improvement on this Hawks squad. Bibby's simply living up to his perceived potential, Johnson is the same killer he's been, and the team synergy is certainly something we've seen glimpses of, even if it's never been palpable like this. But Williams was supposed to be the glaring reminder of losing Josh Childress, the disappointment compounded by inconsistency. But instead, he's been the Hawk that's one step ahead of everyone, even his teammates. You notice him making passes his teammates don't expect, finding cutters where there were none. Several times Horford turned the ball over, surprised to find the ball whipped towards him even when he was cutting. Williams' points and assists are down this year, but take last night's line. 16, 8, and 4 with 1 turnover. That's more than enough, given the way the rest of the team is playing.
It's certain that Billups was the turning point for this team, but I'd argue that Billups was the conceptual shift, the attitude pull that allowed for the Nuggets to embrace their natural identities. If you want the meat and potatoes of why they're a better team, and simultaneously why they're still vulnerable, take a look at Renaldo Balkman. His minutes are erratic due to injury and his predictable capacity for vanishing. However, when he strikes it's like a thunderbolt, and it wakes up the whole team. He blasts through for rebounds, put-backs, and dunks. He's obsessive on defense tonight, even if his discipline isn't always in the right place.
Kleiza is somehow the de facto redundant player, able to produce offense in spurts, but unable to do anything any coach would rationally want him to do.
Mike Bibby is having a killer timer. He's smiling, laughing, making all the right plays, shooting when he should, passing when he should, playing with poise and aggressiveness. He's been simply killer.
But not as killer as Johnson. The problem Johnson poses is a constant danger. You get lulled to sleep waiting for him to appear. He's not Kobe, where you obsess over his every movement on the floor. He slips and glides in and out of the offense. He vanishes like a lot of players for minutes. But then he appears like Raiden and blitzes you. You're overwhelmed by his versatility and explosiveness. He's got a bigger game coming, and my hope is he's saving it for April and May. The look teams get when he starts to execute them is some sort of bleakness, like they've just been snuffed out.
I keep leaning to compare Horford to Duncan, but he's not nearly as big and way more mobile. Then I lean to compare him to Brand and he's more workman-like. He's polished, but not in the new-age, prototypical ballhandling big way. He's not the best of all worlds, just some of them. The vacation planets, maybe, but ones visited by the working class and with mountains to climb instead of neon beaches and drinks with umbrellas.
Josh Smith's not dead. He's just biding his time. The energy and ability is coming back to him after the injury, and I would anticipate a detonation and follow through after the All Star Break.
Sometime, take a look at the trucker hats and three day scruff on the camera crew and ball boys in Atlanta. It's like a truck stop on hardwood.
The whole idea about Johnson being stymied by Billups made sense, until you started to factor how much Johnson moves without the ball. Early in the third, Billups tried to cheat on the under screen, Johnson had full rotation and nailed a three. It's not a bad idea, per say, but I feel like the Nuggets would have done better to focus on Bibby with Billups straight up, neutralize him, and let the help defense focus on Johnson.
People are coming to games in Atlanta. Ye Gods.
Denver focused so much on cutting down on Johnson and Bibby's perimeter, that they left themselves wide open when Smith sliced in, saved it on one foot, one hand, and found Horford for a huge dunk.
Next Wednesday, Hawks, Magic. Be there or be the Spurs.

15 Footer 12.29.08

2008-12-29T11:04:00.004-06:00

Wassup, rockers?

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

Worst of the 90s, Unite!:

Nuggets at Hawks

Who'd a thunk it? But this might just be the most entertaining match-up of the night. I consider Denver to be must-see TV these days. K-Mart's always good for unintentional comedy, and I'm still looking for signs of an inevitable collapse that is looking less and less likely by the day. While the arguments that Melo isn't a franchise player certainly have merit, dude named Billups is running the show now, and man they sure look good...on most nights. But I'll be waiting with my note pad, furiously scribblings plots of their demise.

Does anyone not love the Hawks?

7:00 EST

Harris, Rose, Rose, Harris:

Bulls at Nets

Why has no one made the obvious comparisons between these two yet? Rose is supposedly a Wade-Kidd hybrid, but I see Harris in him more than anyone else (and I'm not just talking flesh tones). If anything, Rose is a slightly slowed down, possibly better shooting, and even more creative Harris. Both are excellent on-ball defenders, both can out-stride and outpace almost any opposing PG in the league on the break. The difference between current Rose and early Devin is mostly in the shooting: though midrange and long-range shooting were supposedly Rosian flaws, he's shown to be fairly capable at both. But fresh out of the gate, Devin couldn't hit the broad side of the barn. Plus, both will set up their teammates through their own scoring. The passing is a product. You hear me Vinny? You ready to implement the dribble-drive with Rose and Deng?

7:30 EST

Those Were the Best Days of My Life!:

Magic at Pistons

Man, those were fine times. Where the Pistons were the powerhouse of powerhouses, toyfully jabbing and pawing at the Magic until they finally decided to claw them to pieces. The Magic were but lupus pups, just growing in their claws and their fangs. I guess that makes the Pistons like, bigger, fiercer wolves, err, yeah. Whatever. Screw metaphors. The Pistons are not only slipping and sliding their way down the Eastern Conference food chain, but Iverson has completely revolutionized the way I feel about the team. The way this team paddles to keep its head above water in the second tier of the East is depressing, mostly because I have a monument of Sheed made out of Model Magic sitting in my closet.

7:30 EST

A Game Only a Matt Moore Could Love:

Grizzlies at Wolves

I had some love for the Wolves earlier in the season, but I'm growing more disenchanted with them by the day. The Harbinger is everything that I want him to be, but I know of few NBA players I find more infuriating than Randy Foye. And Mike Miller's sudden plummet into irrelevancy just depresses me.

Plus, you can count on the bad Grizz to show up tonight. They have a tendency to play on-level with teams like the Wolves, to a degree that nauseates me ever so slightly.

8:00 EST

The Monster Squad vs. Squad of Monsters:

Suns at Thunder

I think it's pretty obvious which team is which: one is a "who's who" of big name monsters, beasts in their own right who are members and perhaps creators of the establishment, while another is a ragtag group of kids using their wits to topple everyone's favorite icons of horror.

I don't want to spoil a cinematic masterpiece for you (it's basically Goonies meets your wackiest acid trip meets your greatest delusions of grandeur. Something tells me this one isn't going to end quite as happily for the kids, though.

8:00 EST

Seriously, Stop Playing Games:
Wizards at Rockets

No, really, I'm done talking about the Wizards.

8:30 EST

Wounded Tiger Versus Woundedier Tiger:

Sixers at Jazz

What happens when a wounded tiger fights another wounded tiger? Or, if one of them is a wounded warrior instead of a wounded tiger, is a wounded tiger more powerful than a wounded warrior? What if he only has a dagger? Or a bow and arrow? Maybe a big club or something? Or what if we de-claw the tiger, leaving it generally helpless and Millsapless? Either way, this whole situation is generally f*cked. Sixers - Brand = lamesauce, and the Jazz - Boozer, Okur, and Millsap is just surreal. Welcome to the 2009 Jazz with an injured Millsap anyone?

9:00 EST

Good Grief:

Raptors at Warriors

Yikes. Who will show up: Dr. Biedrinsyll (sounds like an allergy medication) or Mr. Biedrins? I'm not even sure which one is the good one, but I do know that this guy is capable of dropping 15 and 15 just as easily as 8 and 8. At least, it sure seems that way lately. What happened to cusp of all-stardom Andris, fully deserving of the mammoth of a contract?

I only bring it up because it will likely decide the game. When it comes to Bosh and Jermaine, if Biedrins is on his game, the dubs stand a chance. If not, even Toronto will make the Warriors look silly.

10:30

The Onslaught Versus The Fortress Of Servitude: Heat at Cavs 12.28.08

2008-12-28T23:48:00.002-06:00

Notes from the Miami Heat versus the Cleveland Cavaliers at the Q on December 28th, 2008.

How good are you at sizing up something you have a conflict with? How long does it take you to evaluate what you're up against and how best to overcome that obstacle? Now imagine you have less than two seconds to make that assertion. Imagine that while making that assertion, you're moving at full speed directly towards it, while it's moving full speed to stop you and you don't know whether it's going to move towards you or move to cut off your trajectory. Now realize that Dwyane Wade manages to routinely make professional NBA defenders look silly. That's right. Silly. Like silly girls with pigtails. There's a play early in the third where he crossed up Z and though Z had a perfect angle on him and was playing it conservatively, Z ended up facing the exact wrong way while Wade slipped an off-hand lay-in off the glass.
I've been developing a theory. It's called the West-James-Mind-Meld Theory. It goes something like this.

At some point during this dunk, part of LeBron's consciousness was transferred to Delonte West. The sheer violence of the act imparted part of LeBron's in-game identity to West's noggin. This did not let West imitate James in any way, but instead made him the perfect partner to LeBron.
Upon the trade that sent West to the Cavs, this shared consciousness became evident. West found himself in full-court transition scenarios and instead of challenging the basket as has been taught to him his entire life, he automatically looked for LeBron, resulting in a series of devastating, jaw dropping alley-oops.
In return, James rewarded West for his assent to the way of LeBron, and started setting him up in situations instead of throwing the ball at the basket.
This connection has survived even Mo Williams' arrival, and in fact, has been assisted by West's newfound freedom.

It's startling to see what happens when you let a player fill the role they're meant to. West gambling on steals and pestering Wade, setting up on the perimeter for LeBron's drive and kick, constantly throwing himself at the ball or basket like a kamikaze small guard, it brings joy to my heart. West may end up being the unlikely Robin to LeBron's Batman. All this time, we've been looking for someone equally skilled but in different ways. Yet, Robin was never Batman's equal. He was a sidekick. Someone to be rescued from giant robotic spiders, to toss him that last batarang when the Penguin turned his gun on him, someone for the Joker to beat to death with a crowbar. West gives LeBron someone to run with, to tousle his hair (even tonight you saw LeBron checking West's arm to see if he was bleeding after a skirmish like a worried hen), and to shake hands with. West provides him all the auxiliary firepower he wants, without any of the homosexual overtones of the caped crusaders.
At what point do we stop waiting for LeBron's jumper to arrive consistently? It's like a Ryan Adams concert. Sure, when it shows up it's glorious and transformative. But a lot of the time you just end up pissed off you've been waiting so long for something that just played three chords and then walked off stage.
Wade's jumper, on the other hand, still surprises you with its fluency. It waltzes in, charms the waitress, gets the drinks for free, and then waltzes out with the bottle of 15 year Scotch. Sure, sometimes it gets tiresome or tries too hard, but man, when he sets both feet and isn't trying to fade Like Mike, it's lightning bottled and sold in Sex Panther bottles.
You know how you know a lead is going to fade? When Udonis Haslem is working his range, that's how.
When the Cleveland offense stagnated in the third, the Cleveland announce team noted that the Cavs were just "pushing it to LeBron and hoping he comes up with something" (to paraphrase). To which everyone watching at home said "Oh, so just like the last five years."
Chalmers'energy is contagious, it just doesn't have anything behind it yet. That's a project that should work out well for them. Unlike Banks, which is the New Coke experiment.
Anderson Varejao has what I would call a "Neato"offense. He does things that you don't expect him to do, and that aren't really necessary. Like a can-opener that also irons your socks. Or a VCR that also serves as an electric-razor. It's not that you don't appreciate their versatility, and it's kind of neat, but it's just not what you're looking for.
There are few more hilarious moments for an NBA junkie than that moment where both teams realize the refs have itchy whistle lips and just start pushing to see what they can get called. It started when Wade got Gibson to brush his forearms for the shooting foul, and carried all the way through Delonte West simply falling over when he ran out of options like he just pulled the microchip out of his brain and shot it to prevent the enemy from decoding its contents, only to find a foul called. I know it's infuriating for the casual fan and the other team's fans, but you see it so much, you have to laugh at it. Wade's one of the best at drawing fouls, but the Cavs are sheer artists at creating phantom fouls from nothing.
Shawn Marion is filling in all the areas he wasn't brought to Miami to do, and not filling all the roles he was. It's the most awkward fit. It's like a polar bear in a tu-tu plopped into the middle of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. You may still get "The Impression That I Get" but you still don't know what the hell it's doing there.

A Question to Ponder

2008-12-26T22:04:00.003-06:00

So, we already know that China would go out of its way to send the US a pretty severe message: screw with us, and we'll make you regret it...by putting Yi into the All-Star game. "What's that America? You giving us some lip? FINE, you got it, Sun Yue just beat out Chris Paul as a starter." Popular vote = broken. Ask Al Gore.

But outdated presidential election references aside, the NBA's recent plan to elect the fourth slam dunk participant would seem to be the next logical step in China's path to becoming an internet superpower. Still, the question remains if Joe Alexander's status of Chinese nationalism is enough to get him some legitimate interest overseas. Then again, it might be possible purely because I don't think that many people stateside are going to care enough to vote for the honorary "Guy Who is Going to Lose to Dwight" award. Rudy is undoubtedly the front-runner as a cult icon in two countries, but would China goes as far as to rocking the vote in favor of the worst of the three candidates?

You're Welcome, KG

2008-12-25T11:14:00.003-06:00

A box sits under Kevin Garnett's metaphorical tree, this fine Christmas morn, and inside it is nothing other than the shattered remains of Jordan Farmar's knee. Merry Christmas, big guy.

Not only will Farmar miss today's game that will either "answer all questions," be "just another game," or be "a complete gimmick," but he'll also be sidelined for eight more weeks. Yikes. This Lakers team is extremely talented, although it pains me to say so, and are still considered the hands-down favorite to walk through the West relatively unscathed. But, I do know that this team is going to miss Jordan Farmar pretty badly. One of the differences between the Lakers we see before us and the squad that got embarassed by the Celtics in front of the whole cafeteria is Farmar's even-tempered play. He was good last season. He was fine. Dandy. But this season, though he's had his ineffective games, has really stepped up in terms of his decision-making. That's pretty big for a team that starts an older point guard, lacks other reliable options at the position, and runs the triangle offense, in which every player must be ready to hit the shot or make the right pass. Not that other offenses don't require their players to play intelligently, but, y'know.

So, if the Lakers lay an egg in their big game, it probably won't be because Farmar's telling his uncle to be careful and not bump his knee under the table. It'll probably be because the Lakers have had just one demonstrative defensive performance recently (luckily for them, it was their last contest against NOLA). But don't say that they won't miss him when POINT GUARD MACHINE jacks up a shot everytime his fingertips hit leather.

In the End

2008-12-25T01:09:00.004-06:00

In light of Steve Francis being shuttled off to Memphis for maybe a future second rounder and a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card, I've come to the realization that if there ever was an NBA player that was "so Linkin Park," it's The Franchise himself. Initially widly popular. Flashy. Exposed as being formulaic, easily imitable. Superficial success confused for dynamic talent. Easily dressed up in a remix, but still surprisingly empty in substance. "Really speaks" to those between the ages of 12 and 15. Frustrated by lack of growth, the comeback/reinvention was inevitable, but by that point, we really don't want to hear it.

So maybe it's surprisingly fitting that in the end of Francis' career, he finds himself back with the Grizzlies, the very same franchise that he punked in the draft oh so long ago. One thing that the holiday season does for you is put things in perspective. People get in the spirit of giving, whether it's a warm bed, a nice meal, a toy, or a past-his-prime, semi-washed-up point guard. You realize just how damn cold it is, just how fortunate you are, and a lot of other things that you take for granted. Maybe this time around, rather than be a dick and reject the Grizzlies out of hand, Steve Francis just might find a place with this team. You have to worry, though: between Steve Francis and Darius Miles, just what kind of culture is being constructed in Memphis? Both decently talented players largely renowned for being phenomenal wastes of talent. Both at positions that seem to be filled. Both considered, at some point or another in their careers, to be bane for the locker room. We'll have to wait and see, and I certainly hope for the best, but deep down we all know that this is just Minutes to Midnight...right?

EDIT: Seems as though the odds are in favor of Francis never seeing the court, and possibly being bought out. LAME.

Merry Paroxysm

2008-12-24T23:59:00.003-06:00

Happy MF Holidays to all you folks who read the blog. You've kept us afloat for nearly 2 MF years now. So, thanks. Srsly, I meen that. MFing Luv u.

But in all honesty, we wish the best to you and all those you love. Well, unless you love the MF Lakers. In that case, I hope you get a big, fat MF dump in your stocking. Eat it, Kobe.

15 Footer 12.22.08: I'm Back, Bitches

2008-12-22T16:02:00.004-06:00

Did you miss me, NBA Blogosphere? Tell me you did.

-Matt

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

The Battle You Came To See, Jamal Crawford Versus Jameer Nelson. Wait, What?!:

Golden State at Orlando

When I think "Gonna Drop A Half Century Bonus Deuce," I think "Jamal Crawford," don't you? It's like everyone keeps waiting for him to stop being a great scorer. Well, he was pretty good in New York and now he's in the basketball equivalent of Murderworld. Of course his numbers are off the charts. Nelson, on the other hand, is completely boggling me. I mean, the man inspired the word "hate" from me in the playoffs last year and he plays for the freaking Magic. That team is the Smurfs to me. Even when they annoy me, I appreciate their clandestine nature and well-mannered hijinx. But Nelson's wretched point play in the playoffs last year forced a river of expletives from me. Now all of a sudden he's burning the nets down. This is why I love Stan Van Gundy. Because he does what most coaches try to do, which is mold his players into what he wants them to be. But eventually, he sees the limit and adjusts. With Nelson, he tried and tried to make him a facilitator, a manager, a general. And now, it's as if he's said, "Fine. Just shoot the damn thing and get in the open floor." Then he probably has a hotdog. Warriors should get beaten down pretty heavily tonight, because Biedrins can snake around for lay-ins all he wants, Big Beastly Jesus runs the show in the Kingdom, and right now, the Magic know they've got house money to roll on.

With Their Powers Combined, They Are Captain Meltdown!:

Houston at New Jersey

The wonder-twin cousins meet tonight, T-Mac and Vince Carter. What does it say about the superstars involved in this game that Devin Harris is the Michael-Douglas-In-Falling-Down addition to this? He's the one that you just don't know what he's going to do. Even if Crazy Pills plays, Harris is the one that could end up going off for 40+ and leveling everything in his path. Meanwhile, Lopez vs. Yao is just a hilarious image. They should lock those two together in a room for six hours with nothing but a slinky and a nerf gun.They could resolve the human rights crisis by themselves. Here's to hoping T-Mac and Carter exchange clanging game winner misses for four overtimes.

There's Never Really A Good Time For A Head Injury/A Tribal Attack/A Typhoon/To Play The Lakers:

LA Lakers at Memphis

But playing them off their first losing streak when the phrases "Kobe Bryant" and "Something Wrong" keep floating around together without "With How Much Better He Is Than Everyone." This is just one of those games where you can see the possum scampering out into the road, and it stops, and it sees the semi-truck. And it doesn't know if it should go straight forward or go back, and so it freezes. And you're willing it to get a move-on, but it just doesn't. It sits there, dribbling on the perimeter and passing to Darko against Gasol down low and having Mayo guard Kobe. Tonight, sadly, is roadkill, and not the way I wanted to pick up on my Grizzly Pandiculation now that I've returned. Ah, well. All's well that ends well. And, whatever this is.

I Already Miss The Hang Time Jokes.

Sacramento at San Antonio:

I never got to say goodbye. It's so hard when someone's just gone like that. You always think there's more time, you know? Next time you see them, you'll put your arm around them and say "Hey, Reg, you were awesome in Hang Time, you know that?" And then he's gone. And you never get to say all the things you want to say. Oh, well. We'll always have the memories. This was all an effort to avoid the fact that I know the Spurs are going to kill them. You know the Spurs are going to kill them. And the Kings know the Spurs are going to kill them. So um, yeah. The Spurs are going to kill them. HANG TIME!

Chloroform The One That You Love:

Portland at Denver

Well, here are, the battle for second place in the Northwest division. Obviously the Jazz are killing it and will clearly win the division. Wait, what? They're third? Shocking! (Yes this entire preview is nothing more than an effort to begin what will be a long and drawn out series of mockery if the Jazz are in fact, as inferior as I've said they were). This is a pretty fascinating matchup, actually. Explosive scorers, big men, teams that were on tears and are now slightly slumping, and lots and lots of star power. It's also a startling contrast of styles. Portland's controlled death march versus the Nuggets frenetic dance of fury, measured by Billups and the new "Let's play defense" Nuggs. Should be mighty entertaining.

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Watch This Game:

Raps at Clippers

Essentially, this game is the living breathing manifestation of when you set a bar reasonably high, and then crash through the bar and the bar falls into your eye on the way back down. The good news is you didn't completely miss the bar. The bad news is you're f*cking blind. Davis versus Calderon, Thornton versus Bargs, and Kaman versus O'Neal. Somehow, we had such higher hopes. Alas, such are dreams, wiped away by, well, the fact that many NBA players are simply not that good or lazy. Enjoy then nightcap.

New Jersey: Differences in Opinion

2008-12-21T02:46:00.004-06:00

Jason Kidd: "That just shows how classy New Jersey is. They're true fans of the game, and they let you know if you're doing your job or not doing your job. I was thankful that they appreciated the job I did when I was here."

Mark Cuban: "I guess when you don't care about your own team you talk about someone on the other team, right? I guess that's what Nets fans are all about...I think the goal of everybody in New Jersey is to be a general manager. So I can understand why they want to share their expertise."

Ben Affleck:

Ted Mosby:

Brandon Roy is Somewhat Disinclined to Enjoy Leaving Your Face Intact

2008-12-19T08:18:00.004-06:00

We saw one the the most "NOVA" performances of your the young season last night from Mr. Roy, single handedly destroying the Phoenix D in the 4th. 52 points, on 27 shots and 19-21 from the line, including the game clinchers. And, since I cannot do fancy photoshop work here at the j.o.b., you get this pic from "Raiders of the Lost Ark," instead of some cool illuminated portrait of Roy screaming after he gunt-punched the Suns last night.

What amazed me the most is that Roy, though never the swiftest of foot, glided and wormed his way to so many easy shots. Phoenix, moreso than normal, seemed intent on just letting Portland's shots fall where they may and instead focusing all their energy on efficient scoring when they were on offense. It was like Coach D had never left. (And trust me, neither Phoenix Stan nor I were giddy about that, to say the least. Or Gchats resemble 2 torture victims discussing what it was like beind detained) Regardless, Roy was masterful last night, something akin to a young Paul Pierce. Hell, maybe more akin to a modern Paul Pierce. That was the first game of the season I have been able to sit down and watch from beginning to end. Now I know why I love this game so much. And why Portland will destroy us all.

H/T: Blazers Edge (with the far more impassioned and insightful recap!)

Dukies Care Not For Your Subtlety

2008-12-19T03:15:00.003-06:00

A nice Duke twofer yesterday: Carlos Boozer has declared that he intends to opt-out of the final year of his deal with the Jazz (shocker!), and Grant Hill is officially the ESPN Trade Machine's worst enemy.

Frankly, I was caught off-guard by how surprisingly blunt each was. Booz made it abundantly clear that he intends to get PAID this offseason, which should come as no surprise. As much sh*t as we give him around here, Boozer really is among the best at his position...he just happens to be behind Duncan, Dirk, KG, Amare, and Bosh. And he also happens to lead the league in BA's per minute...according to me. With teams like the Heat clogging the rumors with talk of breaking the bank to nab him, it makes perfect sense. Still, it's December. Your team isn't even sniffing the playoffs yet, much less free agency. Call me old fashioned but it just seemed like an awfully strange thing to say for a guy who hasn't really meaningfully contributed to his team this season, injury or no injury.

Grant Hill means business. And to him, business is sticking around with the team he signed with, the Suns. Let me tell you: business is ~~good~~ kind of good. But Hill has certainly discovered the ultimate way to keep his name out of the rumor mongers' perverse fantasies: nip that mofo at the bud. This has to look good from a Phoenix perspective: Nash is crying about his buddies, Amare's discontent with his role in the offense and his future with the team, Shaq still wants more touches, and waaaaaay too many people are ready to write off the Suns right now. In December. A team with Nash, Amare, Shaq, and now Jason Richardson. Good luck with that. I'm not saying the Suns will necessarily be a powerhouse, but don't underestimate this crew's ability to get things together in a hurry come spring.

It's a Great Day to Be a Paroxysm

2008-12-19T01:51:00.002-06:00

Matt's always told me that one of his goals is to get "nova" on SportsCenter. Haven't made that jump yet, but this has to be close:

Not sure I buy that Shaq's a HP reader, but quite the crazy, random happenstance, yes?

15 Footer 12.18.08

2008-12-18T13:42:00.005-06:00

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

Every Little Thing He Does is Magic. Pop is Not Amused:

Spurs at Magic

Dwight's scheduled to make his return tonight against the Spurs, and they're going to need him. Not that the Spurs looked all that intimidating last night, as they made offensive meltdowns fairly routine in the fourth against the Hornets. Still, this game should be a bit of a doozy, with each team gameplanning in a slightly similar way despite two completely different stars. If you think about Duncan's flat-footed dominance versus Dwight's above the rim antics, Hedo as an even more awkward Manu, and Rashard Lewis as all of the Spurs' three point shooters rolled into one and then some, you've got a pretty interesting contest going here. The big question will be if Jameer Nelson can keep on keepin' on against Tonee Parkehr. Still undecided on how exactly that's going to go down, but I'd bet on Jameer holding his own.

Also, Spurs suck.

8:00 EST

Something Interesting to Say About This National Basketball Association Game That Is Being Played Tonight by the Suns of Phoenix and the Trailblazers of Portland.

Suns at Blazers (Via the Corndogg)

The Suns really need to defend better.
The Blazers are a young, deep squad and are doing a good job figuring out how to work together.
The Suns recently got Jason Richardson in a trade. He shoots well from 3.
The Blazers made a great pick 2 years ago with Brandon Roy. He is playing some darn good basketball right now.
Shaq vs. Oden is a clash of old school vs. new school.
Steve Nash likes the environment.
Grant Hill would rather quit than be traded. Honest.
Lots of sorta-fans of the NBA really like this Blazers team, or so I've heard.
Lamarcus Aldridge is tall.
Matt Barnes has many tattoos.
This game will be televised on your television by TNT.

Also, Steve Kerr (former Spur) sucks.

10:30 EST

Wow! What a Wonderful Site I've Discovered!

2008-12-17T14:30:00.002-06:00

Well by golly there are some great NBA blogs out there! And certainly, a lot that aren't written by me!

Here's an excellent post of a Hierarchy of NBA Archetypes at some blog called Upside and Motor, that most certainly is not written by me. Nope, no Rob over there. Pinky swear.

15 Footer 12.17.08 Relax, We're Back. Halfway.

2008-12-17T03:50:00.007-06:00

Now that is one great movie. One that I've been trying to track down on DVD for some time now, with no success. So if ANYONE out there has a copy of either We're Back or STEEL (Yes, the one with Shaq...yes, I already have Kazaam) on a real, non-pirated region 1 DVD, hollaback.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

You're All Clear Kid, Now Let's Blow This Thing and Go Home!

Celtics at Hawks

It's awfully hard to poke holes in the Celtics' armor these days. But when you look at the teams that have given them trouble both this year and last year (the Hawks, Cavs, Wiz, and Bobcats come to mind) what do they all have in common? Elite small forwards. Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

So I guess what I'm saying is, if you don't have a sweet 3 at your disposal, you're just going to be that fat dude flying the X-wing who gets torched. Otherwise, you could possibly, maybe have a chance to shoot at that little hole in the bottom of a multi-mile trench with little to no cover fire while James Earl Jones is shooting lazers at you. Enjoy.

7:00 EST

We're a Mike Dunleavy Away From a Reun...I Mean Grudge Matc...Well, a Game That's Still Inconsequential

Warriors at Pacers

Not entirely fair. The Pacers are still one of my favorite teams in the league both in terms of gaudy stats that don't make sense/seem to indicate much of anything (I'm looking at you, Troy Murphy), and a ridiculous collection of players that have tickled my fancy. Go get 'em, 'Quis.

Still, there's a lot of interesting things going on in this one. The 'player x used to play for this team' subplot is not only a bit worn, but also kind of irrelevant at this point; looking at the current Dubs, does anyone care that Murph and Mike Dunleavy used to suit up for them? And while the Pacers aren't exactly winning games these days, doesn't Jax's tenure in the gold seem like decades ago?

So here's what does matter: Danny Granger going nuts. Biedrins and Murphy each getting 18 rebounds. Unforced turnovers. Jamal Crawford fast break, pull-up threes. Hopefully some PT for Rob Kurz. Anthony Randolph and Roy Hibbert. I love this game.

7:00 EST

You're Looking at this Elton Brand and These Wings, And You're Thinking to Yourself: "How Do I Kill The Bucks?"

Bucks at Sixers

Summing up the Sixers season in a minute and a half:

7:00 EST

There's No Place Like the Road, There's No Place Like the Road...Especially When You're Playing Against Struggling Eastern Conference Teams

Mavs at Raptors

The Mavs are coming off a 7-game homestand in which they went 5-2. Not terrible, not great either. But when you're expected to win every single game in your own arena (including toughies like SanAn and Denver), leaving town for a bit can be great in terms of relieving a little stress, blowing off steam, and opening up a can out East. Plus, it's sure to be -50 degrees at night in T-ville, keeping the Mavs all bundled up and warm in their hotel room. Sleep well, Mavericks. Tomorrow, you play Chris Bosh, Jose Calderon, and some dudes from Toronto's pick-up scene. Yeah, you too, Jermaine. What up.

7:00 EST

When Life Gives You Lemons, Resist the Urge to Squeeze the Lemon Juice in Your Own Eyes and/or Stab Yourself

Wizards at Pistons

Last season the Wizards were flying without Gilbert. But apparently, if you take away Brandon Haywood, this team really falls apart. Washington has won just 4 out of 22 games, good for last in the division. But then again, even with a healthy roster, this team tops out at what, the 4 or 5 seed? We knew Gil was injured coming in to this season, and precious few pundits pencilled them in as playoff contenders (as in, even fighting for a playoff spot). So, when I say "Which of these teams has been more disappointing?", I want you to get my full meaning. Rounding into a form after a trade is really damn hard. It only gets harder when you trade away Billups for a player like Iverson, whose styles couldn't be different despite playing similar positions. But with a group of young pit bulls like Motown has, and the veteran talent they have, why haven't we seen an interesting, motivated, guns a-blazin' Pistons team yet? There have been games where things were clicking. But regardless of the trade, this team has the talent to be top 3 in the conference. They're currently at 5th, 8.5 games out of first place. But I mean, they're really good and --

-- I'm an idiot. The Wizards are worlds more disappointing. But is it wrong of me to ask just a bit more out of the Pistons?

7:30 EST

In the name of actually giving you something to read today (even as late as it is), I'm just going to leave it at that. Yeah, I know there are four games on the slate. But with the crew busy, this is all you get. Take it or leave it, ungrateful swine!

It's Not Everyday You Get a New Franchise Savior

2008-12-15T15:14:00.004-06:00

I know it's hard, Torontonians. Torontoites. Torontans. Whatever. The Raps have stumbled a bit out of the gate, and failed to take advantage of some absolutely inspired play from one Chris Bosh. But fear not: the answer is here.

The Toronto Raptors may have pulled the move of the season in signing Jake Voskuhl.

Naturally, I tried to find a goofy picture of Jake to throw up here, but instead I found something much better. I present to you the Top 5 Google Image results for Jake Voskuhl:

I don't think I could have possibly written anything that more accurately summed up Voskuhl's career than those five pictures did.

Odds on Number of Coaches Fired

2008-12-15T15:12:00.005-06:00

Between the opening tip off a couple months back and the opening tip off of next season, it is not unrealistic to think that as many as 1/3 of the coaches who were with teams at the start of 2000Hate might not be around come 2009. Seriously, let that seep in. Even the NFL doesn't toss out dudes this fast. This is astonishing.

Common chatter on the NBA tubes seems to be that both Mike Dunleavy in LA and Marc Iavaroni (yeah, so they won 4 straight. Eat it. His butt is still aflame from the hotseat as of right now) in Memphis could easily be gone. That's 8. Just 2 more to go.

Has there ever been a time when this many coaches got canned? I mean, 16 teams make the playoffs every year, and rarely does a coach that makes them get booted. So that leaves 6 coaches (besides the 6 already fired and the 2 mentioned above) that could conceiveably get tossed out of town. Let's take a look at the odds.
(Reminder, all coaches on the following list are coaching teams that would not, if the season ended today, make the playoffs).

Terry Porter (PHX) 10%
In Terry's defense, he has a winning basketball team right now. They are getting more perimeter firepower in JRich and losing an anti-Porter guy in Diaw. Even though they are currently 9th in the West, Porter isn't going anywhere, playoffs or not, if he is above .500. Plus, Kerr could not powerblast the final nail in his coffin by kicking Porter out of the Valley and admitting he has made some careless decisions. But frankly, I think missing the playoffs right now would be better than getting swept by the Lakers by an average of 18 points. His odds would be hire if not for Kerr's ego.

Don Nelson (GSW) 60%
You can't fire someone who is willing to die anyway. Its a waste of a bullet. The Warriors still hold out maligned hope that Monta will come back to save the day 40 games in. Absolutely not the case. The bad thing about Golden State is that they are still living off the upset of the Mavs 2 years ago. Nellieball aint the same without Dizzle and his refusal to keep normal lineups, hold players accountable or, even, care about the game make him the true rogue coach out there. In the cosmic case of reverse psychology, Donny Boy is forcing his team into awkward oblivion and staring down Mullin the whole way, daring him to eat his own ego. This man has balls.

Larry Brown (CLT) 0%
Jordan could never axe a fellow Carolina guy in his first year. Not after he helped engineer that awesome trade which is going to put the Bobcats back into contention for the 8th seed. Give me a break. Brown is a has been, dictator who cannot work on young teams, since he hates inexperience and cannot effictively develop talent. He can only work within the confines of someone else's infrastructure. He is a small, pathetic man who has the most clueless NBA GM in the world suckling at his teet. This is beyond depressing.

Mike the Mustache (NYK) -100%
The fact that the Knicks are almost .500 without any discernible offensive weapons or depth is miraculous in itself. D is proving he's worth the cash by exercising previously unseen patience and enjoying the security Donnie Walsh gives him. And, for what its worth, it doesn't induce cancer being a Knicks fan anymore. So that is a giant step forward.

Scott Skiles (MIL) ?%
I have not seen, heard or read anything about the Bucks so far this year, so I will not even venture a guess. Skiles' head has not exploded and Bogut hasn't launched a jihad against Luke Ridnour yet, so that rulez. Granted that its his first year and no one truly expected much of the Bucks, Skiles shouldn't feel too much hot water. But damn, if you don't start playing Ramon Sessions more, Brewhoop is going to off you. In that case, the number of discontinued coaches reaches 9. I'm just saying, Frank.

Jim O'Brien (INDY) 20%
O'Brien's situation is awkward. No real injury problems (sans Dunleavy, but that has probably helped Granger). One of the most electrifying young players in the league (again, Granger). Removal of a cancer like JO. Marquis Daniels is your second leading scorer. Wait. WTF? Marquis Daniels is your second leading scorer? Man, how is he not already halfway to Muncie right now, in a body bag. O'Brien's mark is not that he is poor at coaching, its that his team is poor at having relevant basketball ability. In reality, this team is about where it should be right now. Underachieving for the Pacers is actually meeting your mark. With priorities this disjointed, don't bet the house on Jimmy getting canned anytime soon.

So, with any luck from the witless irreverence of Don Nelson, the sudden brain functionality by Jordan, a gun smuggled into a Bucks pre-game by Brewhoop and God sending a plague on to Steve Kerr, we might actually beat that 1/3 threshold for fresh blood in the league. And we haven't even had a late season collapse yet. Here's looking at you Michael Curry. See you in the unemployment line.

Chuck Person's Back-Up Plan

2008-12-15T13:52:00.004-06:00

Wait. What?

I'm fired too? What did I do?

Oh, this is the worst. It's not even my fault. Coach Theus was like, "HEY, let's run the triangle!" I said, "Are you sure?" What else am I supposed to do? That guy won't listen to anyone except Anthony Anderson.

He said, "I bet we can play Spencer and Brad together."

I said, "You know they're both white, right?"

He's so stubborn. Thanks for nothing, Reggie The Us.

This really sucks. I guess I'll have to go get my khakis pressed, which I haven't done in years. And this belt is STRUGGLING. Geez. What a hassle.

I guess I can call Wesley and see what he's up to. Maybe he'll let me come over for Christmas this year. That'd be nice.

What a crock or bullpoo.

Make It Stop!

2008-12-15T13:10:00.003-06:00

Fire up the shirt presses for this gem:

smitch
&pj
&mo
&eddie
&randy
&reg

I'd buy it.

But this has gotten out of hand. Moore skips town and half the coaches are fired, 50 players switch teams, all-star ballots are fixed, the Nuggets are in the fracking playoffs, and the Grizz have won four straight. Truly bizarre.

The latest among those casualties is Reggie Theus. Believe it or not, I am going to make it through this post without mentioning Hang Time once. Except maybe this Hang Time:

I may or may not think that Hang Time is actually superior to NBA Jam. Don't kill me.

I think this firing was fairly predictable. Kevin Martin and 'Cisco Garcia have missed some serious time to start the season, but their absence can't be blamed for a defense only Nellie could love, despite unexpectedly solid production from Jason Thompson and Spencer Hawes. I think Theus has some admirable qualities as a head coach, and I'm very confident that he'll get another gig pretty soon. But what's to become of the Kings? Who knows. Well, I mean Ziller probably knows, but...y'know. Tops we're looking at a team vying for 10th in the West, and conversely they're bottoming out around 13th. They weren't expected to compete for a playoff spot, but I think there's certainly a level of disappointment there.

But do you really think Reginald Theusmeister needs your petty head coaching jobs, NBA? He was just pushing your buttons, toying with you a bit. The man's smoother than a baby dipped in a vat of butter; he's obviously got a long career ahead of him as the first NBA head coach turned male model. Sparkle sparkle, baby.

Reggie Theus' Back-Up Plan

2008-12-15T12:25:00.002-06:00

I'M BACK

GAME OVER. INSERT TOKEN HEAD COACH TO CONTINUE

2008-12-15T04:41:00.005-06:00

One could certainly make the argument that Mo Cheeks had the best name of any head coach in the NBA. One could also make the argument that he was possibly the first coach fired this season with just cause. PJ? Sure he may have had it coming and he certainly wasn't "coaching 'em up" in any sense, but it's not like the Thunder were threatening to overtake the much-coveted 1-14 spots in the West with that roster. Smitch? The Raps are woefully thin, Jermaine isn't quite the dream that some people imagined, and losing TJ Ford's scoring and penetration might have hurt a bit more than anticipated. Eddie Jordan? No Gilbert, no Haywood, no reasonablebeliefthatthisteamwon'tbeterrible. Wittman? Kinda similar to PJ. I don't think he even resembles a good coach, but I mean, what did you really expect from the Wolves?

But the Sixers were supposed to be somebodies. They seemed destined for a top four seed in the East, but now they're sitting pretty at 10-14, dead last in their division behind the Knicks and Nets. Ouch. But what's weird is that Mo is likely the most talented head coach out of that group, and yet probably the most justified firing. He was given a good defensive team, a cast of seemingly versatile young players, and boatloads of momentum after a surprising playoff showing and netting the big fish of the free agent pool. But obviously, we all took Elton Brand's integration for granted. He's not a prototypical big man; he's undersized, and though he can be bullish, he's very, very reliant on that short to midrange jumper. What does that mean for one of the worst three-point shooting teams in the league, lacking the capability to effectively space the floor? Well, it means Mo Cheeks loses his job, that's what.

This is pretty damn far from an unfixable situation, but handing the reins to non-coach Tony DiLeo is probably a bad idea. Okay, it's a damn terrible idea. Nearing EPIC FAIL status. How do you give up on a roster like this? Elton Brand is still Elton Brand, even if he's not putting up ridiculous, punch-you-in-the-face type numbers. Iggy (can we call you Iggy?) is immensely talented, even if he earns about a dollar a turnover. The supporting cast is admirable, it just might take a bit more creativity to get this team clicking. But make no mistake, if Philly doesn't find a replacement head coach soon, they are effectively giving up on 2008-2009. Game over, man.

Or, even more tragic, is it possible that Elton Brand is one of those bizarre types of star that, by nature, limits the abilities of his teams to succeed? Free agent hijinx aside, Brand had a pretty spotless track record as a teammate and leader, so this would seem to be a purely on-court manifestation. It's a cruel and (possibly) unfair classification, but with the Sixers rudderless, the '05-'06 Clippers are looking more and more like the exception that proves the rule.

They Must Be Stopped. Hurry, Get Your Wooden Spikes.

2008-12-11T14:25:00.004-06:00

Just when you thought vampires were falling out of the pop culture lexicon, here they come again. HP has found out that it is indeed, not the Chinese people who seem hell-bent on breaking the backbone of American Democracy -- No, not the election, silly. All Star Voting. This blood sucking army must be vanquished, lest we have to give up a precious All Star spot to sworn vampire lover and walking dead combo forward, Yi Jianlian.

We always knew he would come back to haunt us!

So throw some internets garlic on this cockameme scheme and keep this unholy creature out of Phoenix. If we ever needed the rising sun, this would be the time.

Relax, Michael Redd

2008-12-11T10:14:00.001-06:00

You'll get your foul calls if you get fouled. You don't have to scream about it.

NBA Wisdom from my Dad

2008-12-11T09:38:00.003-06:00

Had dinner with the folks last night and somehow, inexplicably, we got on to the subject of the Suns/Bobcats trade that only a handful of people know anything about. In fact, my dad actually broke the story to me as I was watching Sportscenter (what, I didn't have remote control, swear). I have never known my dad to have anything to do with the league. He hates it. He hates the travelling. He hates the egos. He hates the GMs (smartly) and everything else. But, more than anything, my dad hates UNC, Michael Jordan and any connection between those two and running an NBA franchise in our state. (I am sure this explains so much to the people who read HP).

So, in discussing the trade, I was amazed at the clarity my dad had on the entire situation. He was expostulating about how Kerr's micro-managing and intrusiveness was to blame for Phoenix's lackluster appearance and performance. He widely denounced the Shaq trade (and, unlike me, he did not try to give it any silver lining when it went down last year - I'm so stupid).

But after all that was settled, he made a couple pointed jabs at the Bobcats. He feels that Jordan is the worst GM in the league - no question. Fine, some people would probably agree. He also said that the best thing to Bobcats could do would be to take Felton, May and Morrison out in a boat and drown them. Harsh I know, but not any more insane than the trade we had been discussing. And thirdly - this the most telling - was, and I quote:

"If it came down in next year's draft between (Tyler) Hansbrough and (Blake) Griffin, Jordan's stupid ass would take Hansbrough. No question."

Now, on the surface, even the most logical NBA fan would think this to be completely false. It is widely assumed by any single person that follows basketball on any level that Griffin could very well be the #1 pick in the upcoming draft while Hansbrough, though magnificent in college, will most likely end up a late lottery to early 20s pick and that his style won't fly in the league. But, when you think about it, I'm not so sure that I disagree.

From what I have seen of the Bobcats, Robert Johnson and Jordan care more about finances than they do about winning games. Of course, this trade would not suggest as much, but I don't think they see it that way. They only care about tickets, tickets, tickets. Charlotte is densely populated with UNC grads and uber-fans and the feeling amongst those in the offices above Bobcat arena is that people will come to see those heroes of (recent) UNC lore. They took Felton and May. They took Adam Morrison, who though not a Tarheel, was the widely suspect, but flamboyantly odd hero of college basketball in 2005-06. He was the other side of the coin to the hated J.J. Redick who was setting records in Durham, which is good enough.

What the Bobcats have no feel for is marketability. Jordan, the king of sponsorships, cannot seem to find players or a team concept that lends itself to fiscal prosperity. So, he digs his heels (no pun intended) in with UNC alums like Brown, assistant coach Phil Ford, Felton and May. He even got rid of Jeff McInnis because everyone, even UNC grads hate McInnis - with just cause. He helps overpay drastically for Emeka Okafor, thinking they can still sell him as the "original" Bobcat and team anchor, but no one bases their fandom for a team that is "anchored" by a guy with no offensive game, charisma or passion. They have this underground, alt-superstar like Wallace, but they have been dangling him as trade bait all year. This is the franchise that is so dysfuntional that Tyler Hansbrough and his recent celebrity just might get a nod over the athleticism, offensive wizardry and awesomeness that is Blake Griffin. For a global icon, Jordan's focus is terminally nearsighted to North Carolina, its university and its people. Raise your hand if you can ever remember Larry Brown winning anything without a talented, veteran, self-disciplining team? Yeah, me neither. But there he is, roaming around, killing this young team in the papers.

This is why you don't let a local geography major try and turn your team into a nationwide force. It'll be nice those first 10 games when Bobcats Arena is jumping for Tyler next year. And it will make it that much more sad when all those "fans" leave to watch the Heels every night and leave those seats, predictably, empty.

For what its worth, I dont think the above scenario will happen. It won't even have the chance of happening, unless a sea change happens amongst the entire NBA scouting regime about Hansbrough's capabilities in the league. But if it did, I think the choice would permanently define the homerism, short-sightedness and arrogance of Jordan and Johnson in clipping this franchises wings before it could even fly.

And boy, wouldn't that make my dad proud.

Trade Machine Concoction Gone Wild!

2008-12-11T04:45:00.003-06:00

Please, tell me it was all a dream. Tell me I'm having a terrible, terrible nightmare. I WANT TO WAKE UP, DAMMIT. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WITH RAJA BELL AND BORIS DIAW AS BOBCATS.

GodZiller may have appropriately titled his post "Boris Diaw + Larry Brown = Must Watch TV." But I come from a different school of thought, and apparently a different method of arithmetic:

PLUS

EQUALS

That's probably my head exploding. But it could be your head, or Larry Brown's head, or maybe even D'Antoni's head. Take your pick on that one, folks.

Classic MJ, I guess; part-time Bobcats fan that I am, I've been plotting and scheming over the last few weeks on how to put Chris Kaman or a variety of bigs in a hideous 'Cats uni, doing my best to appreciate what I thought were Gerald Wallace's last games in Charlotte. But instead of sending out Crash, the Bobcats have traded their best scorer, somehow leaving the team even more offensively inept than before. There are some people in this world that know no limits. The aren't bothered by boundaries or probabilities. For that I salute you, Mr. Jordan: you have somehow made this offense even worse. You have done the impossible, and that makes you mighty.

Will Diaw work out in CHA? No. Way. Larry Brown hates players that don't fit neatly into his cookie cutter -- a scalding hot cast iron cookie cutter that he uses to forcibly and painfully turn positionally deviant players into his generic template that may have been flawed to begin with. But hey, we're not here to pick on Brown! We're hear to speak of the apocalypse in Charlotte! And a friggin' coup of a trade that somehow netted the Suns the best player in the deal while parting with some expendables! Raja Bell was a good defender. But he's already visably slipped. Don't worry though, he'll get better. Totally. So somehow, a slowed lockdown defender and a grab-bag of post moves, playmaking, and headaches are supposed to account for the team's most productive scorer and most active hustle player?

Suns fans should be understandably depressed and thrilled. I mean, even Nash is pissed. If there was ever a player that could be described by the phrase "that's so D'Antoni," it would be Diaw. He boggled and continues to boggle everyone's mind who isn't part of the Dantones clan, and even Pringles himself was probably perplexed by by him. But in a world where Diaw could play center, SSoL thrived. Without Amare, the system was supposed to break down. But Boris held down the fort until the star returned, only to fade into the nothingness of marginalization. Pringles may have left long ago, but perhaps it was today that the dream really died.

Still, in terms of the production that the Suns lost in Diaw and Bell, Suns fans should be absolutely exhilirated about this sh*t. Jason Richardson is hands down the best player in the deal. His contract isn't great, but neither is Diaw's for that matter. What's more, he essentially provides a suped-up Bell; he's a more active defender than Bell is in his current form, and though he lacks defensive discipline in areas where Bell excels, he more than makes up for it with three-point marksmanship, supernatural bursts of scoring, and dunks that make opponents curl up in a ball and cry. But he didn't go to North Carolina, so he's gotta go.

The real steal in this deal (INTERNAL RHYME OVERLOAD), if the Suns choose to allow him to succeed, is Jared Dudley. He played in Charlotte so he didn't exactly get much of the national spotlight, and on top of that he rarely played big minutes. But Duds significantly impacts the action when he's on the floor: rebounding well for his position, pressuring his man, and even giving an unexpected scoring punch. He's a perfect intangibles guy, and he's definitely more useful to the Suns than Singletary is to the Bobcats. Another small point guard? Yay!

In summary:

Jason Richardson > Boris Diaw
Jason Richardson > Raja Bell
Jason Richardson (probably) > Diaw & Bell
Jared Dudley > Sean Singletary

But, fear not fellow Bobcattians, there are a few positives here:

Gerald Wallace is back at the 3. 'Bout fricking time.
This hopefully means they will not be signing Juwan Howard, who was rumored to be headed to Charlotte.
Jeff McInnis is still gone.

That's all I've got. Unless you count the remote possibility that the 'Cats don't even want Diaw, and are only trading for him so they can trade Diaw to New York (I know, I know, it doesn't make sense with the cap situation) in some deal that simultaneously appeases Pringles and nets David Lee for Charlotte (who, if you'll remember, was a hot target for a deal centered around Raymond Felton that fell through). This trade doesn't put Phoenix 'over the top' or any of that nonsense. But it is a trade that makes sense and adds a pretty considerable talent for very little cost. First you took away the Suns and now you're chipping away at the Bobcats? What the f*ck did I ever do to you, Kerr?

A Sad State of Affairs

2008-12-11T01:18:00.008-06:00

This evening I was watching the Lakers of Los Angeles take on the Suns of Phoenix in a match-up between two perennial powerhouses of the Association of National Basketball. Traditionally this is a win-win situation for your humble author: I hate both the Lakers and the Suns and luckily, given the circumstances, one of them had to lose. But this evening was different than other evenings. The colors may have been the same but the names were changed. I looked up at the screen to find Goran Dragic, Grant Hill, Matt Barnes, Louis Amundson and Robin Lopez on the floor for the Suns. I felt confused. I felt angry. Most of all I felt sad.

Make no mistake, I despise the Phoenix Suns with the white hot passion of a thousand, well, suns. So initially the idea that such an inept crew of misfits would don the purple and orange caused a soft smile to creep across my face. But as I thought about all the good times we've had, all those 5 and 6 game playoff series against the Spurs that weren't really that competitive to begin with, I realized I kind of miss the old Suns. Shallow rotations. Non-existent defense. Impotent half-court sets. Those were the days.

Obviously the glory days of Suns basketball have passed us by. By picking up Grant Hill, trading for Shaq, and finally showing D'Antoni the door, the Suns franchise made it clear they were leaving the fun-and-gun days behind. But I guess I never realized what a shadow of its former self the franchise had become until I beheld the the aforementioned rotation of Dragic, Hill, Barnes, Amundson, and Lopez. Don't get me wrong, this Suns team is going to win its fair share of games. But we all know winning was never the focal point anyways.

Hey Rob, Do You Like Basketball?

2008-12-10T01:30:00.009-06:00

Hey Rob, Do you like the NBA? ME TOO! We should be friends. Which team is your favorite? The Mavericks! Oh man, that is so funny because I like the Spurs. Even though our favorite teams are rivals we can still be friends. When was the last time the Spurs and Mavs played? They played tonight! That is awesome! What happened? OH MAN, THE SPURS WON IN DOUBLE OVERTIME! That must have been exciting. I wish I had watched the game. I don't watch basketball often but when I do, there's nothing I love more than a good, competitive game between respected rivals. But I don't get it? The Mavs couldn't pull it out in a close game? That doesn't seem like Dallas to me.

All kidding aside, you know what two teams you shouldn't write off? The Mavs and the Spurs (if one of your guesses was the Suns, you were wrong. Feel free to write them off). They are better than you think they are.

I Can't Believe This Pairing Didn't Work Out

2008-12-09T09:53:00.002-06:00

If, in 2003, Isiah Thomas had known that within 5 years:

Stephon Marbury would have alienated all of his teammates,
An entire depth chart worth of point guards had been traded away and Starbury wouldn't take the court,
Steve Francis would die,
An entire depth chart worth of shooting guards would get injured and Franchise wouldn't get on the court,
Stephon Marbury's credibility would fall to a level that would force him to create his own shoe line for an economy clothier, while simultaneously,
Steve Francis's credibility would fall to a level that would force him to endorse shoes from a Chinese shoemaker,
Isiah would be forced to take over the team in an effort to save his job before being emasculated and exiled from the NBA,

would he still acquire both Marbury and Francis*?

...

...

Yeah, probably.

*Not to mention Jerome James, Jared Jeffries, Eddy Curry, and Zach Randolph

McHale's Back to Coaching...The Punchlines Just Write Themselves

2008-12-08T16:12:00.002-06:00

Wittman out, McHale in. I fully expect the Wolves to go on a ten game win streak and eventually make the playoffs, before falling to the Lakers in an epic seven game, second round series.

But obviously, there's a lot going on here. Let's break it down:

McHale and those in Minny's front office obviously think that this team is better than 4-15. I'm not so sure they are. They dropped big back to back losses to the Clips and the Nets, and there's a reason for that: both of those teams are more talented than the Wolves are. Kevin Ollie has started the last few games for this bunch. Do I need to say that again? The Harbinger is a baller, certainly. Mike Miller is a great addition to a winning team, but doesn't have the skill set or the talent, frankly, to spark a squad like this into contention (for a playoff spot, I mean). And aside from those two, who do you have? Ollie, Jason Collins, and the Sea Bass all logging pretty significant minutes. Yes, I still think Kevin Love can be a damn good player in this league, but when your team doesn't have an otherworldly scoring talent in the Wadian mold or any kind of defensive presence whatsoever, you're not going to win all that many games. Sorry, guys.
Kevin McHale is no longer in charge of basketball ops. The work of Minny beat writers, GMs, and bloggers everywhere just got a lot harder.
This firing seems to be more about McHale and less about Wittman. Randy, I can't even begin to express how indifferent I am towards you. Your roster has been shoddy, you coached a team that wasn't expected to be good and wasn't good, and all I will truly remember you for is driving a Dwane Casey-led squad directly into the ground after he was unfairly canned. I wish I could say that we'll see you soon, but coaching for two and a half seasons and notching a .266 win percentage probably won't get it done. On the other hand, you weren't catastrophically terrible enough for me to write down notes on the ledger.

I think all of us that aren't named Kevin McHale or Mrs. McHale are probably rooting for him to be out by the end of the season. So let's go, Wolves: I want to see you play competitively for three quarters, and then go into all-out tanking mode in the fourth. I want Madsen to average more threes than minutes. I want half-court shots, bizarre injuries, lazy passes, Bassy fadeaways, Collins isos, Calvin Booth at point-center, and everything else you can cook up. I'm tired of watching Minnesota be mired in McHale's incompetence, and it's about time that the league's biggest punchline (post-Isiah) gets his pink slip. Fire away, Mad Dog!

15 Footer 12.8.08

2008-12-08T13:33:00.004-06:00

Let's do this.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

YOU'RE DOOMED! DOOMED! DOOMED!

Charlotte at Miami

Bobcats. DOOMED. Jason Richardson is just bouncing back from his bizarre knee situation, Gerald Wallace will miss tonight's game due to a death in the family (our thoughts go out to him), and Sean May may be injured. Yes, again. Tendinitis in the knee? The very same knee that's been so much trouble for him in his what, 10 games of actual action so far in his career? Wonderful. Fricking wonderful. But you compound those omens with the fact that MJ is in charge, the offense still blows, and they actually hired Larry Brown to coach this team. I dare you to disagree with me. THEY'RE DOOMED.

Heat, not so doomed. Fatally flawed, sure. But you know what they say: "When you've got Dwyane Wade, you'll win a lot of games you shouldn't even be competitive in because his game makes the lame walk and the blind see." Something like that.

7:30 EST

Someone Still Loves You, Mike Conley

Houston at Memphis

Dearest Michael,

I heard of your regrettable situation with your employer, and I am truly sorry. But fear not, friend of friends: you will always have our undying sympathies and support here at the Paroxysm of the Hardwood. They may attempt to take away your rightful place as the head of the serpent, the eye of the tiger, but they shall never overcome your considerable skill and will, my friend. Bide your time, good sir; it is only a matter of games 'fore you reclaim what is yours.

And in the meantime, I just hope that Iavs and co. don't succomb to their inner demons and start OJ at the point.

Sincerely,
Robert Mahoney and, in spirit, Matthew Moore
8:00 EST

Projections from AllSportsBets for GSW @OKC 12/08/08

Golden State at OKC

Favorite: __________ +(N/A) over GSOKC
over/under 958 total points
GSW Andris Biedrins over/under 37 rebounds
OKC over/under 17 botched defensive possessions
GSW Don Nelson over/under 5 Heinekens

8:00 EST

Fingers Crossed for a Clippers Winning Streak!!!

Orlando at LA Clippers

Hey, remember that time where Matt said the Clippers would be good this season? Make sure to give him tons of sh*t for that when he comes back. But lyk omg, they just beat the wolvesies by 23!!! (which, as Yahoo told me, was apparently their biggest win in over four years. ~~Times are hard for Clipper fans~~ ~~life sucks for Clipper fans~~ suicide rates are higher among Clipper fans than any other fanbase.) But the Magic aren't the Wolves. I mean, they kind of are, but replace Al Jefferson with a more physically dominant and defensively imposing Al Jefferson, change Mike Miller's passport, throw in some people who can actually score, add in a pretty decent coach, Rashard Lewis, a temperate climate, Universal Studios, and a more consistent effort from top to bottom. But, if you threw out those things, this would pretty much be the exact same game. Go Clips!

10:30 EST

NEWS FLASH: Andre Iguodala CAN Smile

2008-12-08T11:40:00.003-06:00

I tackled the strange phenomenon that is Grimace Iguodala not being able to smile at my home. However, contradictory evidence has surfaced. Consider this the exception that proves the rule.

15 FOOTER 12.05.08

2008-12-05T13:09:00.004-06:00

Happy Days are Here Again.

In honor of O.J. going to jail for a (hopefully) very long time, we are switching up the 15 for the day. Rather than just giving you reasons why you should scoop these 11 games tonight, we are equating each game with a piece of stolen memorabilia (sports or otherwise)- corresponding with said game's watchability factor. I think its pretty self explanatory. Enjoy this glorious day!

OKC @ Orlando 7:00EST
O.J.'s USC jersey, since most of the OKC players would prefer to still be (re)living their college glories.

Lakers @ Washington 7:00EST
The pistol he took into that hotel room: because only one of these teams is armed.

NYK @ Atlanta 7:30EST
The glove. Much like Marbury, because if "it don't fit, you must acquit."

Indiana @ Cleveland 7:30EST
His old Buffalo Bills helmet, since Lebron has NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE!

Minny @ NJN 7:30EST
A copy of his book, since these two teams spend more time dealing in hypotheticals than what's really happening on the hardwood.

Portland @ Boston 8:00EST
A Johnny Cochrane action figure: the only way to combat KG.

Philly @ Detroit 8:00EST
His heisman: since a lot of the players on these teams are old enough to actually remember O.J. at USC. (btw, that picture is worth at least 983 words).

Clippers @ Memphis 8:00EST
Those full body condoms from Naked Gun. No more offspring!

Golden State @ Houston 8:30EST
His golf driver (and spare balls): just in case you wanna get a little nuts. (btw, just re-read this and in no way did I mean it to be dirty. Swear)

Charlotte @ Milwaukee 8:30EST
His 1993 Superstar Pro-Am Bowling Trophy, because that years makes me think about Grandmama and... whoever was playing for the Bucks at that time.

Toronto @ Utah 10:30EST
Any of O.J.'s recent girlfriends, because if you can be talked into either of these two teams, you might as well be carousing with a criminal.

It's Not You, It's Me

2008-12-05T08:30:00.004-06:00

Look, it's even Golden State colors!

From the land of "where all good friendships go to die!"(Los Angeles, for those slow on the uptake) comes this little gem about the personal and professional friendships of Elton Brand and Corey Maggette.

You can have all the Stephon Marbury quotes you want, but when Brand let's his management know that he loves Corey too much to play along side him and his fire-blasting, pass allergic selfishness for the good of their friendship?... now That's Entertainment.

I'm suprised that this storyline never happened in Hang Time. Or, maybe it did. Somebody put in a call to Reggie Theus and see if we can get a script supervisor.

Frankly, I think this shows, yet again, how great a guy Elton Brand is. Also, the dude wants to freakin' win some basketball games. Looks like he really snuck one by ole Mag this time. Catch Elton's latest love advice in his new monthly Maxim column.

15 Footer 12.4.08

2008-12-04T11:50:00.003-06:00

Let's nix the small talk, shall we?

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THAT NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

Like, Oh My God, We're Twinkies!!

Phoenix at Dallas

Okay, we're going to put a stop to this right now. The Suns and Mavericks are not the same. Here is a list of the similarities between the two:

They used to be really, really good, and now are only kind of good.
Their point guards are old.
They both have all-star caliber power forwards.
They both have coaches.

Boom. That's it. The Suns started this season off on a tear, and then kind of fell off the map. The Mavs however, started slow, and are now starting to pick up steam. One of these teams is criticized for shooting too many jumpers. The other could actually be losing because they're throwing it into the post too often. You see where I'm going with this? I mean, the whole star cross'd thing is kind of cute, but this is really a tale of two teams on two very different paths. The Suns think they know who they are, but I'm not entirely certain that the Mavs do. Nash is supposed to be a gametime decision, but with Shaq back in the lineup, you can be sure that they'll spend more than half the game trying to get him the ball. Supposedly Porter is willing to change his approach to cater to his players' strengths. I don't buy it. What I do buy is Dirk and Amare each dropping 28 on each other tonight, as the other scrambles and tries their damnedest to play decent D. Slowing down the game was supposed to decrease the reliance on Nash, which would in turn allow him to get a bit more rest. They didn't completely fall apart yesterday, but at the very least they were discombobulated. Strange days in Phoenix.

8:00 EST, TNT!

doodoodoodoodoodoo Andddd in the End...the Love You Take...Is Equal to the Defensive Stops...You Make

San Antonio at Denver

I am still in shock at what Chauncey has done to this Nuggets team. Funny how a calming on-court presence can change a team's whole demeanor, eh? And oddly enough, this game will boil down to the defense. The Nuggs will need every defensive trick Chauncey has in his repertoire to handcuff Tony Parkeyr (intentional), Nene will draw the tough task of trying to keep Duncan down, and Carmelo Anthony will be standing in the corner with Bruce Bowen/Ime Udoka. Whew. But this Nuggets team is storming in at 6th in the league in defensive efficiency (!) and should be able to take advantage of a Spurs squad that's still trying to get its wheels spinning in the right direction. But the real intrigue for me will be the pace of this one: SanAn has a tendency to force their opponents to slow things down. But with Denver near the top of the league in terms of pace, which team will be able to assert its will and make the other 'play at their speed'? Frankly, I'm not sure. But with Billups heading the charge for Denver, Nene working the post well, and Carmelo ruthless in the midrange game, does slowing things down really hurt the Nuggets all that much anymore?

10:30 EST, TNT!

Marc Gasol is a Swarthy Fellow

2008-12-04T10:46:00.003-06:00

Mira'm. Diguem que no és l'amor del meu cabell. I els meus ulls. I la forma en què estic fregant el meu mugró.

Seriosament. Si em poden resistir, no ha de ser humà. Mira profundament als meus ulls. Mesmerizing.

Potser vostè pensa que jo hauria de ser un llenyataires. Ets equivocat. Que mullar la meva masclisme. M'encanta la meva masclisme. És l'amor de la meva masclisme. Tothom estima a la meva masclisme.

Estic pensant en canviar el meu nom a Marchismo. Funciona.

Mira'm.